Courtesy of Albert Le, Japan Trip – 2018. 

The smell of takoyaki tickled the salaryman’s nose. 

Sweet with a hint of frying fat, it woke inside of him, a long dormant hunger that was supposed to have been buried under the 4 sake shots he had taken earlier at a bar.

Fumbling around his pant pockets for his wallet, he looked forlornly at the 5000 yen note and the 5 tiny bronze coins. It was all he had for the night.

The smart thing was to head home, and save the money, eat some 2 minute ramen and then sleep the whole night off.

But his stomach rumbled, and the salaryman thought about the lonely dark 6-tatami sized room and the tasteless ramen he would eat. The cold shower he would take and the dirty pajamas that had holes around the elbows and knees.

The inevitable slow login on his tiny laptop and loading of an AV DVD he had borrowed from the nearby adult shop. The sad, unfulfilling sensation, as his hands tried to bring him close to something akin to ecstasy but it would only ever last seconds and fill him with shame.

He thought about the unenviable task of cleaning himself off with a tissue, and discarding it away before falling asleep, unhappy and restless.

This mental film kept playing over and over in his mind, and it finalised his indecision causing him to pause mid-step and nearly bump into a couple strolling behind. He enviously looked at the young man, with his pretty girlfriend, and apologised with a bow, staring at the girl’s feet, perfect in little red heels.

They went around him, smiles on their faces. As he watched them disappear, the tiny clicks the red heels made on the damp concrete, sounded like to him, the hands of a clock counting down the hours he had left to enjoy himself, this very night.

“To hell with it” thought the salaryman, and he stopped walking towards his apartment and turned around in search of the takoyaki stand, following the smell.

The bright neon of Osaka‘s city-scape felt like a thousand pin-prick needles of light into his brain. As far as the eye could see, buildings after buildings, after buildings stretched towards infinity. Most were tired and weather-beaten, the constant hum-drum of millions of people taking its toll, grime and pollution reaching up the walls.

Some were so old, that no one knew what their shiny and clean exterior looked like anymore. During the day, the buildings lost much of their appeal, the shabbiness of it all apparent and creating an ugly concrete jungle.

It was why there were so many neon signs. It was a way to hide the mismatched nature of the buildings, the thousands of strange designs, faded paint and harsh staircases. Osaka, could only ever be appreciated at night, where the lights provided a gloss over the ugliness of the city. A thin mask that disguised the rot beneath.

Everywhere he looked, there was so much happening.

Thousands of people walked the street, many just like him, a lean, average man, in a simple, cheap black and white suit, with ties loose around their necks and hands gripping their precious brown leather briefcase.

In contrast, young carefree teens were in large groups, their colourful, contrasting clothes emblazoned with kanji text, and strange English words.

They laughed, yelled and play-fought on the street, boys one-upping each other to prove themselves worthy to the demure and coy girls, who giggled and whispered to each other, spurring the boys on to greater antics.

Then there were the quiet couples, who strolled arm in arm, the men dressed down casually, with polo shirts and chinos, the women in long, plain skirts with elegant blouses and subtle jewellery. They talked softly to each other, stared longingly, and passionately discussed the film they had just seen and the sushi train they just ate.

Shopkeepers strolled through the crowd, enticing foreigners, holding up colourful menus and chattering away in rapid-fire Japanese, punctuating sentences with accented English. They were bold, friendly and ruthless. Tourists, overwhelmed by the service, smiled and nodded, their eyes wide and mouths agape as they stared at the delicious images on the menu, entering and leaving the shops, full but poorer and the shopkeeper pleased with his outrageous pricing.

The salaryman stared out at this mass of people, as he waited by a lonely takoyaki stand, its lantern shining a yellow light over the tired chef, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else, than making octopus balls on a busy Osaka street.

Having wasted 20 minutes searching for a decently priced stall, the salaryman hoped this would turn out OK. This was the problem with living in a tourist town … nothing was ever right for the locals.

And … nothing tasted as good either. The takoyaki when handed to him, smelt promising. But on the first bite, it was a little cold on the inside, the octopus inside slimy and rubbery, and the coating tasted of flour, instead of a crispy, soft melting sensation.

Disappointed and sad he had lost money on this gamble, he glared at the chef, who pointedly ignore him and began making a new batch for a tourist couple, he ate half of the plate, before tossing the rest away, disgusted and in need of a good drink to wash away the taste.

As he walked a short distance away, he wondered whether the takoyaki was a sign of things to come. Shaking off the disquieting feeling, he saw a red-light hostess bar up ahead, and looking up, he noted it was on the 5th floor, but could still hear the yells of men singing their hearts out, a good sign.

Walking through the gloom, he saw that the elevator was crammed through the narrow hallway and that it was out of service. Sighing, he put his left hand on the staircase, which felt slightly sticky, and began to climb.

The girl that greeted him with a bow, stretched her thin arm over to the manager, who was dressed immaculately in a sharp suit, with a black bow-tie. Pocketing the entry fee, he took out a ring binder and placed it open in front of the salaryman.

Inside were 30 polaroids of varying girls, in a myriad of seductive and coy poses. Most had the peace sign up, were dressed in garish skimpy mini-skirts and resembled dolls more than actual women. Squinting, he stabbed his finger down and chose Mayu.

The polaroid of Mayu showed a young woman, with brown hair in a bob with a part across her forehead, almond eyes and a straight narrow nose. She was the cute girl with cat-like features that made her sexier. Her outfit in the polaroid, a sailor fuku, her head at an angle, revealing a three-quarter profile and her pout with a peace sign was what sealed the deal for the salaryman.

The manager nodded sagely and walked through a curtained doorway with the bar’s logo and a few minutes later walked back out and handed the salaryman a room key.

Walking through, he could smell the pervasive odour of cheap perfume mingling with equally cheap cologne and the sharp acrid smell of cigarettes and alcohol.

The sounds that accompanied the smell were equally provocative, loud phrases of famous enka songs were belted through the walls and doors, and just below the volume of the cacophony, were muted moans and fluttering sighs.

Ignoring it, he opened the door to his room and looked around, the tiny room reminded him strangely of his apartment.

There was a TV next to him, with a pair of microphones attached for karaoke, and in front of the TV was a U-shaped couch that spanned the entire room. There was a small unobtrusive table in the middle, and an Ipad that allowed him to order drinks.

Sitting down, he ordered himself a neat whiskey, and waited for the girl, as he started to pick which song he would sing.

However, he could not make up his mind. He couldn’t shake off the feeling of disquiet. The silence inside the room, was such a stark contrast to the hallway he had just entered and the bustle of Osaka, that he was starting to get uncomfortable when Mayu entered.

Wearing a sheer top, that did little to hide her small breasts, and a mini-skirt that just hid her pert bottom, Mayu cradled the small glass of whiskey and complimentary snacks and saddled up next to him.

Nervous, the salaryman averted his eyes from her breasts and placed his hands in his laps, hiding his excitement. Mayu smiled, revealing slightly crooked teeth, and began to hold onto his arm and whisper endearments.

She asked him for his name, promised him he was handsome, and cried out that she wanted to do things to him. The salaryman endured all the ego-stroking, wanting to believe it himself, that he was big, strong and that he could really make pin her to the wall right now, if he desired. But it didn’t work. He was aroused, the body roaring to go, but … the mind was elsewhere.

She tried to coax him to sing, to really relax, after all, this was her job. She knew that if the customer wasn’t happy, she could lose her job. So she kept at it. She tried every trick she knew. She lightly slapped him, pleaded with him, opened her eyes wide, crinkled them, made them doe-eyed and even questioned whether he was a man.

But the salaryman couldn’t respond. Despite his every yearning to do so.

Even when she slid off his pants, and took him into her mouth, the salaryman couldn’t move. He sat there stiffly, shame, pleasure, guilt, confusion diffused through sheer anxiety.

She kept her movements rhythmic, up and down, the tongue lashing this way and that but there was no response. When the salaryman finally came, it was the same anti-climatic response he felt when masturbating at home.

Disgust at himself channeled itself in another way, and found its target with the girl. His face underwent a transformation, one of reluctant pleasure to a cold mask of fury.

Mayu, having seen enough of these episodes in men, ducked away, terrified and quickly ran out the door.

Minutes later, two large yakuza came in, their loud disco-era shirts and flamboyant colourful suits, betraying their occupation. Scowling, they glared at the salaryman and swiftly punched him twice in the stomach. Doubling over, the salaryman vomited out the whiskey, snacks and takoyaki, causing him to hate the taste all over again, and the two yakuza deftly stepped away, their experience showing them what was coming.

They looked at each other, shook their head in scorn and grabbed an arm each before dragging him down the stairs and instead of going through the front entrance, kicked open a side door next to the elevator and tossed him into an array of bins.

Clapping their hands clean from his cheap suit, they yelled at him, and made several threats, the harsh words ringing in his ears. Laughing briefly at the salaryman prone form, the yakuza smoked cigarettes and flicked ash over him before stepping aside and allowing the manager to toss the salaryman’s briefcase on his stomach.

The door slammed shut and after what felt like ages, the salaryman gingerly began to pick himself off the trash. Anger flashed through his mind, but it soon died away, to an depressing emptiness that made him struggle to walk away.

As he moved out of the alleyway and back onto the Osaka street, he remained blind to the occasional stares and whispers, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to bother with them. Most gave him a wide berth, disgusted by what they thought was drunken behaviour.

The salaryman stumbled his way through Osaka, listlessly, aimlessly and carelessly. He didn’t seem to care where he was going anymore. As long as he could still walk, he would continue. He just felt like he had to go somewhere. But his mind couldn’t make a decision.

So on he went.

Until the chime and bells of a nearby arcade pierced through the fog that his mind had created.

The sounds bought him back to his childhood, where things were simpler, more engaging and touched with a mysterious spark that had faded in his adult life.

Struck by the wave of nostalgia and a glimmer of hope, the salaryman went in and found himself lost.

Dimly lit, the arcade was lively and smelt strongly of disinfectant and teenage deodorant. Lights flashed, coins clattered, and loud pop songs blasted through the speakers and cacophony. Attendants moved to and from cabinets and games, spraying down surfaces and occasionally bowing and point to the coin-exchange machine for people. Young boys and girls came in and out of the arcade, hovering over well-known games to peer at each others’ progress, before flitting away to try another cabinet.

Girls laughed at their cute photos in the photo-booth machines, whilst boys sweated away at the dancing and rhythm games, their eyes intent on beating high scores.

All of them ignored him, as he wandered past and tried to find the game he had mastered when he was one of these young men.

It was in the darkest and lonely section of the arcade, close to the toilets where it perpetually smelt like urine and surrounded by older machines. It was also populated by similar people, men wearing work clothes and their eyes glued to the screen.

Depression reared its head inside his mind and as he sat down in front of a fighting game from his youth, he hoped that this session would shoo it away.

Slotting in a 100 yen coin, he found himself engrossed again, in a virtual world where he was the strong one, the one able to defeat villains, rescue pretty girls and everything was problem free, as long as it could be punched and kicked.

But after the completion of the first and easiest chapter, everything went downhill. He started jumping into punches, losing health, buttons were unable to land his combos and he suffered defeat after defeat.

More coins were furiously deposited into the slot, but the string of defeats kept growing, until in despair, he stopped himself from putting in another coin and sat back, staring forlornly at the score and the crimson “DEFEAT” icon flashing humiliatingly at him.

He stayed still, letting every red flash from the icon wash over face. How long he sat there, he didn’t know, but the mellow sleeping music started to fade into his consciousness when he finally shook himself out of his reverie.

Picking up his bag, he shuffled out of the arcade, embarrassed to have stayed so close to closing time, and forcing the attendants to work longer.

The streets were beginning to empty out. Neon shone a little more dimly down on less crowded streets and the sensation of alienation was beginning to creep in.

The salaryman, depressed, saddened and exhausted by the night he had, kept ambling along, until he found the place, that he should have not moved from, from the very beginning … a bar.

Pushing open the heavy wooden door, he waited at the steps of the basement entrance, to let his eyes adjust to the dimness of the bar. There was just a single man working, his hands a blur as he washed, cleaned and polished the huge pile of dirty glasses in the sink. He was dressed casually, with a white shirt and dark suit pants and a pair of half-moon spectacles hung in the vee of his shirt.

Motioning to the salaryman to take a seat, the bartender looked at the sorry soul and wordlessly got out a bottle of cheap sake. When he got the nod, the bartender poured a finer of sake into a small cup and pushed it gently to the salaryman.

Knocking it back, and feeling the alcohol take the edge off his depression just for precious seconds, his eyes began to look around.

It was your standard bar, with a corkboard where the bartender hung pictures of regulars, celebrities and parties who had visited, an A-frame that listed the specials that the kitchen was offering and a large TV hung behind the bartender, showing music videos of idols dancing and preening at the camera.

Everywhere was made of the same coloured dark wood, and weak, faded, yellowing lights created an atmosphere of quiet melancholy.

It was perfect for the salaryman. He just wanted to collapse into a bottle. If he died doing so, so much the better.

There were few patrons, mostly single men like him, drinking alone, wrapped in their own thoughts. No one spoke to each other, no one acknowledge each other.

They were too busy trying to drown their sorrows. The only one who seemed like his life was together, was the bartender.

Raising his hand, the salaryman placed the rest of his money on the table and told the barman to keep the drinks flowing.

As the sake kept disappearing, the salaryman wondered what had all this been for. He was supposed to spend a night out, away from the depressing atmosphere of his tiny room, but everywhere he went, reminded him of the failure he had become.

Food was tasteless and devoid of any comfort.

The arcade showed him him that his skills had faded. He was older, slower, and less vigorous.

The red-light hostess bar turned out to be a reminder of his loneliness, his failure to find steady relationships and how unfulfilling sex and masturbation had become.

It had gotten to the point, where even a real girl, administrating to him, was as soulless and joyless as his hand. He tried to control himself, but he could not help but do it three times a day. He would sneak into bathrooms and open his phone, hands down his pants, craving release.

He briefly wondered he had an addiction to sex, but could it even be called sex, if he did it alone all of the time?

The realisation sunk his spirits even lower, and he chased another sake cup down.

If he could not please himself, what else was there to do? Everything was being robbed from him.

Looking across, he saw another salaryman like him, suddenly collapse into the crook of his arm, asleep and drooling out of his mouth.

Staring at the man, he was reminded of his friend in high school who had the same features, angular features that made him popular with the girls.

He remembered snippets of their conversations, about how his friend used to sneak girls into the locker room, and behind the closed doors of empty classrooms. The time when he managed to get together with one of the girls, and then told his friend who laughed and congratulated him.

His friend who laughed, smiled and had such a casual nature about him … those were the memories he cherished, before the suicide.

It had come as a shock to everyone. He was one of the most popular students in the school, academically and socially, and yet he had taken his own life, suffocating on the fumes of his parent’s Mazda, with a garden hose taped to the exhaust.

He left no clue, or note. No apologies, no sign that he was going to take his own life. He had behaved completely normally, flirtatious and helpful, cracking jokes and teasing friends.

The only sign of something going amiss, was that he didn’t write any notes in class. He just sat up, and looked at the teacher attentively, a warm smile on his face as he looked like he was absorbing information.

The salaryman was crushed when he found out. Insulted and angry, he had gone to the tombstone and angrily stomped around, asking why he had done what he did.

When no answer came, from the stillness of the night, the salaryman had cried and walked home, bereft and saddened that his best friend did not tell him about his plans to kill himself.

But it was only years later, when he became more and more withdrawn that he understood that selfish desire. People didn’t understand him, so why bother trying to understand them?

The salaryman felt that way now, staring at the guy who looked so similar to his best friend of yesteryear. He felt selfish and nihilistic, empty and determined at the same time.

Pushing the chair back, he ignored the briefcase and stumbled out, in a drunken stupor and thought about whether he could make it home.

He too would, copy his friend and craw into the space of a car and slowly die.

He was already halfway down the street, and turning into an alleyway when he realised … he didn’t own a car.

Shaking, he collapsed down on the quiet, dark, Osaka street, and slid himself against a wall.

There he cried and cried and cried. His body shaking and heaving, his breath ragged and dry, the salaryman wept for himself and the darkness inside that didn’t seem to end.

He would remain there for the rest of the night, ignored by thousands who walked past, oblivious.

Author’s Note

A quick exploration into the nihilistic and desperate loneliness that I saw a few times during my trip in Japan, I originally wanted to write this about a sex addict, similar to one of the most influential films I ever saw, as a university student: Shame (2011) by Steve McQueen, starring Michael Fassbender & Carey Mulligan.

I most likely will create a proper story based around the sex addiction, where I will have to practice how I balance erotic and melancholy language. But that film struck a deep cord within me, when I was single and spent a lot more time watching porn and being sucked into that virtual reward cycle.

This story of course, ended up mixing my desire to reference how sex can become meaningless if done too much and for the wrong reason, AND the nihilism I suspect anyone feels once stuck in a routine job, with no one to go home to and that special loneliness you only feel in a huge city. 

I drew heavily on my experiences to describe the city and environments, which I went with my girlfriend, and 3 friends, one of whom was kind enough to let me use one of his photos for this story. 

In a lot of ways, this was an attempt to mix Lost in Translation (2003)’s melancholy reflection on isolation among millions of people and Shame (2011)’s sad, existential crisis around loneliness and how you can be touched, but never felt.

~ Damocles

 

The Wolf’s Den, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019)

This is a classic night-op raid. Dress your best, and get evil gentlemen.

Those words echoed in my mind, as I moved to my locker room, where thousands of dollars of gear awaited my selection. It was a featureless room, like so many others on the FOB, with strong, plain wood for walls, and black caged lockers that stored all my various weapons and war-fighting kit. I didn’t bother doing much to decorate the place either, just placing a flag in the corner and a picture of my squad mates on the central locker to greet me when I walked in. In total, I had 10 lockers, all with different equipment to address any situation I was going into. Other elements of the army, navy and air force would kill for this much access to the latest equipment.    

I chose my standard assaulter collection, a dark olive green jacket over my tan BDU, with dark woodland camouflage assault pants, that had a pair of tan knee pads strapped over the top. 

Plucking my body vest off the rack, I tucked in IR strokes, and 4 spare magazines for my primary, as well as checking my first aid kit strapped to the front. I inserted the heavy ceramic plates that would cover my vital organs last, after securing the vest to my chest. 

All operators like myself were OCD about our equipment. We triple checked everything. We never used anything that wasn’t tried and true. All our gear had been through multiple fire-fights and allowed us to survive. We were paranoid about our equipment, because they were the one thing that we could control. 

Next came my war-belt, with 3 spare pistol magazines, an emergency hip reload for my primary and various pouches for radios, miscellaneous notepads and markers. 

For the final piece of kit that fleshed out any decent assaulter’s load-out, I picked up my tried and true helmet and balaclava option. Weighing in at nearly 2 kilograms, the helmet was loaded down with a penlight, spare batteries, IFF strobe, a large headset with a throat mic and the latest quad goggles for night vision. Flicking them down, I checked the battery life in the NODs, and moved my head to ensure they were a tight fit.  

I always left my weapons for last. I looked after them more than I did anything else in this room. This was a classic night op raid. Which meant CQB weapons. 

I took a Sig-Sauer MPX, the latest upgrade on the iconic MP5 platform, and began checking the various attachments: laser, flashlight, suppressor, magazines and optic on the submachine gun. Pleased with the small dot on the small unobtrusive sight, and that the IR laser on the platform was working in conjunction with my NODs, I placed the MPX aside and picked up a pistol. 

The Glock 19 was small, compact and easy to draw. I hadn’t done much tinkering to the gun, just swapping out the sights for night ones, replacing the trigger for a faster, lighter version and adding a flashlight to the bottom. I didn’t bother suppressing the weapon, like I did with my MPX, as I knew if I had to draw my pistol, things were fucked anyway.

Attaching the pistol and holster to my right thigh, I did a few strafing movements in the limited space of my locker room, and satisfied that nothing was loose or needlessly moving around, I clipped in my radio to my headset, slung the MPX around my neck and under my arm, and walked out, several kilograms heavier and deadlier. 

Outside, the FOB, night had already well and truly taken over, so the entire helicopter landing pad was lit up with harsh floodlights, that glinted off the black metal of the four MH-6 Little Birds that taxied up. These small, skinny helicopters were the Lotus Cars of the aviation world, able to turn, in an instant, park in the tiniest places and accelerate away faster than a terrorist could aim a RPG. They had some bite too, with rocket pods and miniguns hanging underneath tiny stabilising flight struts. 

Tonight, I was part of Bravo Squad, so I was to go on the second helicopter, tasked with landing on the roof and assaulting my way down through an abandoned 5 storey building. Alpha would land on the street in front and work their way up. Charlie and Delta would land on neighboring buildings, securing their rooftops for sniper support on the target building.

We were to rescue the hostage, eliminate all hostiles and then radio in the Little Bird for immediate evac. A platoon of U.S. Marines would wait until we finish, then come in and begin securing the area, with intelligence indicating that a HVT would be in the vicinity. Once the hostage was secure, we would fan out if the Marines needed support and slowly begin clearing buildings in the immediate area, extending ourselves out only by a single city block. Otherwise if no support was needed, we would wait for extraction via a BlackHawk. 

The Marines were the drag net, ensuring no one escaped in a 5 block radius, clearing their way in, and be our QRF if any of us got bogged down at any time. The Little Birds would hover around and provide close-air support if need be. 

This was a classic night time raid. 

Checking my watch, I noted the time, 2200, and felt a tap on my shoulder. My buddy, Kyle, was handing me a hot cup of coffee. Nodding my appreciation, I took the hot cup and wrapped my hands around it, pulling my balaclava down to take sips here and there. 

We both stood in silence, watching the flight crews perform refueling on the Little Birds and the pilots going through their flight checks. At precisely 2215, our squad leaders yelled for us to mount up.

Tossing our cups into nearby bins, we dashed under the spinning blades, the rotor wash and strong smell of aviation fuel forcing our heads down. Kyle sat next to me, securing a strap of bungee cord to the hook on my vest, while I did the the same for him. We both gave each other a strong tug and were satisfied the cord would hold, if somehow we fell off the chopper. 

On the other side through my peripheral, I could see Bravo Leader, John, secure the bungee cord to the green new guy, a SEAL named Walt, who was going on his first raid with the SAS. 

In our unit, we didn’t care who or where you were from. As long as you did the work, watched your sectors and had our backs, all was forgotten. 

I, myself had been on secondment to the DEVGRU, the Polish GROM, German KSK (where I was the smallest guy there) and our cousins in Australia, and every time, the moment I had landed, I was treated like any other guy on the Teams. We all did the work and were in the fight together.

Differences in nationality, accents, training, gear … it all faded the moment we were going into combat. 

My feet felt weightless as the Little Bird throttled up and immediately gained speed, lifting off so quickly, it felt like a roller-coaster ride. Little Bird rides were always like this, the roughest, scariest and wildest ride, out of all the military birds we flew on. They loved to go up, down, left, ride, cant 45 degrees to the left, then jinx to the right … the pilots loved being sadistic in their attempt to induce vomiting in us.

But there were no-one we trusted more. American pilots in the Nightstalkers, the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment, were the absolute best in the world. They were all master aviators, and the sky was their kingdom. No weather was too rough for these men, no night too dark and no mistakes afforded. 

They could park their helicopters on a street, hover exactly to the metre above a target and rescue us in any conditions. 

Checking my watch again, I settled in for the hour long flight to Jalalabad, where the target building was located. Nicknamed J-Bad, it was one of the larger cities in Afghanistan, due to its proximity to the Torkham border with Pakistan, and a crucial hub for all NATO forces in the region. Despite the heavy military presence, somehow this cluster of buildings was where our hostage was held.

We didn’t like it at all. We had a gut feeling that the entire compound was rigged to blow. Kyle voiced his opinions about all this during the briefing. Command had simply shook its head and told us to do our jobs. 

There were no complaints, despite our foreboding. After all, we were getting paid to take risks. Maybe it would be OK. That somehow the enemy had so much faith in their hiding ability and the balls to risk holding a captured team of 3 Western journalists from CNN, right under our noses. Stranger things had happened in war.

As I pondered about these things, I looked across at the other Little Bird, which had Alpha squad. Squad Leader Murphy saw me and as the Little Birds crested a mountain ridge, that littered the Afghan landscape, gave me the bird. 

I returned the salute with double digits and continued to scan the dark foreboding landscape of ‘Stan, still entranced by the snow, the green and the sand that still came through in the half moonlight, despite my 7th tour here.

Then finally, in the distance, I started to see city lights. Then the pilot’s voice came through the comms. 

“ETA to LZ, 15 mikes out!”

There was a flurry of movement, as we began our final checks. I could hear the clicks of optics being switched on, see hands patting down body armour, pouches and holsters, memorising where everything was placed. PEQ-15 laser units being switched on, and as my NODs were flicked down over my eyes to begin acclimatization, I saw lasers stretch off into the distance, some pointed downwards, and others in front of the helicopters. 

It never got old. 

“5 mikes out.” said the co-pilot in a monotone, the strain in his voice evident as he began his descent. 

My legs flared upwards as the Little Bird began to throttle down and looking inside, I could see the pilots mouths move in unison as they spoke to each other, looking like bug-eyed aliens with their oversized flight helmets and NODs. 

“3 mikes out” 

Kyle undid the bungee strap, as I did the same for him. We both held onto the helicopter bars inside the fuselage as the lights of the city shone through underneath us, blurry and indistinct as the helicopter sped past and my NODs were unable to keep up. 

We were flying extremely low and fast now, my feet almost brushing antennas of houses and buildings below, the pilots bobbing and weaving the Little Birds up and down to avoid any potential locks from missiles. 

“1 mike out, approaching LZ now.”

The target building was exactly as the satellite imagery had presented. A squat, rectangular building that was 5 storey tall. It was dilapidated, old, ugly and reminiscent of many poor construction sites that were abandoned after the Taliban occupation. What windows were left, were dusty, grimy and mostly smashed in. It was a structure devoid of any personality, war had stripped it of any unique features, because it was never completed. The only decorative element was crude Arabic graffiti protesting NATO occupation. 

Another abandoned dream, in a land that had seen combat since prehistoric times. 

Afghanistan, the graveyard of empires …  

My gloved hands wrapped around the barrel of the MPX, as I thumbed the pressure switch and activated the PEQ-15 laser and gripped the small hand-stop underneath. My heart rate was going up, the fear spiking a little, but discipline, training and experience snuffing it out instantly. 

My trigger hand gripped the helo’s hand-bar hard and I braced myself as the Little Bird came to an sickeningly abrupt stop, flared up and to the side and in the span of 5 seconds dropped atop the target rooftop and the landing skids made a imperceptible thud.

Kyle and I immediately jumped off and within nanoseconds of us disembarking, the pilot was heaving on the flight stick and throttling away into the night, disappearing into the gloom. 

As we had rehearsed, the four of us immediately made for the rooftop door, a tiny shack like entrance atop the roof. To our left, we saw the Alpha Little Bird rise from the street, and spray dust everywhere as it begun its chase after its sister, Bravo, into the dark. 

We stacked up to the door and John whispered “Bravo 1, going dark” over the radio. Hearing the call, a tech at J-Bad’s NATO base, triggered an EMP blackout on the surrounding area of the target building.  

Immediately all lights, electricity and power got cut, granting us total darkness for 2 minutes. Kyle took out a sledgehammer from the pouch on his back and smashed the door in, my MPX’s stubby can taking point. 

As I aimed the weapon down the flight of stairs, I moved slowly and cautiously, my concern about booby traps paying off, when I saw a thin wire run across the open doorway that would lead to the 5th floor. 

Lifting my support hand in a fist, I waited a second for the squad to acknowledge with a squeeze on my shoulder before kneeling and taking out my multitool from my body vest. Running a finger along the wire, I saw that it was attached crudely to a grenade. 

Relieved that it wasn’t some huge building explosive, I snipped the wire, and resumed my point man duties, pocketing the grenade. 

The hallway ahead mocked us. There were about 5 rooms on each side. It would take at least a few minutes to clear. 

John and Walt peeled off to the right. I moved left. Kyle covered the hallway from the booby trapped door on the North side. 

Testing the knob, and seeing it was unlocked, I swept the MPX inside and checked every corner. Empty but for a few pieces of trash. It was devoid of furniture. Thankfully the rooms, if all were similar, were not multi-room issues. We were already stretched thin as it was. If we had to do multiple room clears for one hallway door, we risked losing the element of surprise. We were doing things quietly for a reason. 

As I came back out, throwing an IR beacon behind, I whispered into my throat mike “Bravo 2, room clear.” Kyle, hearing this, moved forwards and cleared the next left-side room. He encountered no resistance: “Bravo 3, room clear.” We continued to leap-frog each other to the end, each search turning up empty rooms. 

But John had heard from the support squads, Charlie and Delta who were covering the North and West side of the building that there was movement on the floor below. 

Motioning for me to take point, I moved to the South side staircase, as John relayed to the sniper teams our position. 

Peering around the corner, my laser coincidentally landed on a bearded face, the man climbing the staircase who was mirroring my action, his AKM sweeping up to me. 

I placed two shots into his face, the MPX spitting flashes in my green-tinted world, and he crumpled. 

I moved onward, ignoring the pool of blood that began to run down the stairs, moving a bit quicker now, our element of surprise nearly gone. Walt, who was the rear guard, spiked the AKM, by removing the magazine and emptying the chamber. 

We stacked up at the door to the 4th floor, and heard the slow whine from below as power was slowly beginning to be restored to the building, the generator working hard to get juice back into its system. But just as the whine started, it died, and Alpha team leader, Murphy, reported their charge had been blown, still leaving the building in the dark. They were moving onto the second floor now and reported they had 6 KIA, all of them MAMs (Military Aged Males), most were sleeping when they had been shot. 

That many dead, meant that there was a good chance the hostages were in this building. Charlie and Delta continued to report the most movement was on the 4th floor. 

I cracked open the door and swept it to the side. The 4th floor hallway was still empty.

John whispered to us over the comms as we copied our movement on the 5th floor, Kyle covering the hallway, Walt moving right, myself going left and John on the heels of Walt. 

“Charlie and Delta report they had movement in the rooms on the left. Wait for us, Bravo 2.”

As I paused outside the door, Walt and John cleared the room behind me, and noted with grim satisfaction that there were sleeping cots on the floor and that they were still warm. 

“Charlie 1, Delta 1, Bravo squad will clear west side first, please pull security on east side of target building Hotel. Good copy?”

“Check, Bravo 1.”

“WILCO, Bravo 1.”

“Bravo 2, Bravo 3, take this door, Bravo 1 and Bravo 4 will take next one. Go loud.” 

Reaching down, as Kyle grabbed his sledgehammer, I primed a flashbang as behind me, Walt did the same for his door, whilst John primed his bolt cutters against the door knob. 

Holding up three fingers, I closed them down, in a countdown, as Kyle swung the sledge, smashed open the lock and I threw in the stun grenade. 

A deafening sound reverberated through the air, and through a door an intense light shone through, a light-show we both missed, as we had our heads down and eyes slammed shut. 

The MPX swept left, as Kyle’s MP7 swept right, and we both slotted two men who were keeled over, trying to rub their eyes. I paused in the furthest left corner of the room, as I saw two hooded figures prone on the floor. Resisting the urge to stop, I continued to sweep left, making sure the room was absolutely clear, before heading over to the hostages. 

Kyle had found the last one in his corner and we both disarmed the AKMs that the two X-Rays held, before radioing it in. 

“2 X-Rays down. 3 Hostages found. Confirming their status now.”

Over the comms, we heard HQ relay the information to the other squads, as well as the bark from John, as he reported 

“3 X-Rays down, 1 HVT secured, alive. Bravo 4 and Bravo 2, secure the rest of the floor.”

I squeezed Kyle’s shoulder as he was kneeling over the hostages and he tapped my hand twice to confirm, before I moved out into the hallway and linked up with Walt. 

Walt gave me a terse smile of congratulations, and I picked up Kyle’s sledge and motioned to the east side doors opposing the ones we had just cleared. There were still 6 rooms to clear, 3 on each side.  

As we moved towards them, a west side door down the hallway opened and a voice issued a challenge in Arabic, a call to arms that was swiftly silenced as a sniper from Delta squad shot him square in the face. 

Moving more quickly now, I smashed open the door with the sledge and Walt, not bothering with a flash-bang, charged through with his distinct MK18 carbine, my own MPX hot on his heels and we shot dead two young men, who were nervously aiming their rifles at the door, but were unprepared and forgot to engage their safeties. Walt mercilessly strafed the head of his target, to ensure he was dead and I pulled the trigger twice into the torso of mine, dispassionately noting the lack of movement. 

Moving out in unison, we cleared the next west side room, adjacent to the HVT one, where we found just one guy who had his hands up. Walt looked at me, indecisive about what to do and in that instant, the man snapped his hands down. The MPX spat through the chest 5 times in response and Walt kicked the body over to reveal he had a grenade between his legs. Looking at me in gratitude, Walt rendered the grenade impotent, and we moved on. 

In the next east room, second to last of this hallway, the two men must have saw or heard us coming through the door and shot blindly through the  wooden door. 

Walt moving quickly, ducked to the side, whilst I prepped the grenade I had found from the booby trap earlier. Walt flicked the selector switch and fired short bursts from his MK18, the suppressing weapon making dull thudding noises as it opened up the door, and created a hole for me to throw the grenade in. The explosion blew out all the windows in the room and the internal organs of the two men who tried to make a stand. We didn’t bother checking the room. Frag would have turned everything into a mush.    

The west side door, where the hallway man had been shot dead by a sniper, remained opened and we heard the sounds of a woman crying and screaming in Arabic. As we entered, she looked up at us and wailed harder. 

I whispered in Arabic for her to calm down, but instead she wailed louder and scrabbled over the dead man, whose brains were all over the floor and smeared across her smock. Finishing our room clear, noting its emptiness, Walt bodily moved the woman across the other side of the room, and cable-tied her to a bedpost. 

There were still 2 more rooms. Over the comms, I could hear John and Kyle radioing in the Little Birds for immediate evac of the hostages and HVT. Kyle was reporting 2 were in a bad way, a male and female journalist who had suffered extreme torture and abuse, while the final journalist had not made it, an expected result, as he had been the victim of the militants’ abuse in online videos. The videos of the dead journalist that had been produced and circulated online were obscene. 

Walt and I chose the final west side room first, and found it empty, except for the corpse of an abandoned woman. Looking her over, it was clear, she was one of those poor captive women who were shared among men. Death had probably been a relief for her. 

Breaching the final east side, we saw three men cowering, their bodies prostate on the floor. The one closest to us, begged in broken English.

“No shoot. No shoot. Geneva. Geneva. You, no shoot.”

Walt looked over the men in disgust, his MK18’s laser hovering over their heads, and I shared his disgust, as the spokesperson kept repeating his broken phrase with a wide grin on his face. 

The guy even had the nerve to get up from his position, and adopt a more regular kneeling pose. Each and every MAM in that room had on combat webbing, a brace of grenades and magazines. But their weapons were piled in a corner and there was nothing we could do. 

Slamming the butt of the MPX into the spokesperson’s stomach, so he keeled over, I roughly slammed his face onto the floor and cable-tied his wrists, so tightly he squealed a little. Throughout he kept yelling “No shoot. You no shoot!” until I cuffed him in the side of the head, knocking him out. 

Getting up, I motioned for Walt to secure the rest, whilst my laser hovered over their eyes, ready to drop them if they did anything. 

“Bravo 1, this is Bravo 2. 4th floor secure. 3 MAMs secured, North-East corner.”

“Check Bravo 2. RV on the roof for extrac. Alpha squad will secure those 3 and the HVT. QRF is inbound.”

“WILCO. Bravo 1.”

Making a hand gesture to Walt, we filed out and climbed to the roof, to see a large UH-60 BlackHawk do the same manoeuvre as the Little Birds from earlier, flaring up and moving horizontally in the air to touch down on the roof in seconds.

It was still awe-inspiring, seeing this venerable workhorse doing what it did best, getting guys like us in and out of trouble time and time again. 

As we placed the body of the dead journalist on the floor of the BlackHawk, we saw our Bravo Little Bird fly over and provide close-air cover. Simultaneously, the Alpha squad’s Little Bird swept around, hovering like an angry bird of prey and kept an eye on Alpha, as they awaited a convoy from the U.S Marine platoon to escort the HVT and 3 captured MAMs, before they too would board their Little Bird and fly back to the FOB. 

Their overwatch mission complete, Charlie and Delta squads had elected to stay behind and assist the Marines, who were now doing their sweep through the city for more HVTs.    

Ignoring the military hardware on display, we gently guided the two journalists and strapped them to the hard seats in the back, before stepping in ourselves and providing the thumbs-up to the door gunners. 

The door gunners yelled the all-clear to the pilots and the BlackHawk vibrated as it took off the roof and hauled itself into the dark of the night. Our Little Bird escorted us, flying in tandem. 

I checked my watch. The digital readout read: 0015. The entire operation had taken an hour.  

Knocking my helmet back against the hard chair, I looked over the hostages, where a pair of Pararescue troopers were looking over them, busy trying to get IV drips into their arms and stabilise their patients. 

One of the PJs looked over at me and gave me the thumbs up. They would make it. 

Nodding back, I returned the gesture and slept the rest of the trip back to the FOB. 

I opened my eyes as I felt the rotors throttle down. We were finally back to the FOB, nearly an hour and a half later, due to severe headwinds. Paramedics greeted the journalists, wheeling them onto stretchers and straight into a medical bay, whilst the dead hostage was covered up with a body bag. Tired, and silent, we filed back to our lockers. 

I placed my dirty gear away, hung up the helmet, the vest and the war-belt and put the MPX and Glock 19 aside for cleaning later. Changing into shorts and a T-shirt and sandals, I grabbed a fresh cup of coffee and sat in the debriefing room. 

In terms of a raid, it was a textbook operation. No injuries, all objectives completed. But we didn’t get to where we were by slapping each other on the back and congratulating ourselves. 

So instead, we poured over every detail of the operation, gave each other feedback on how smooth our room clearing procedures were and what could be tightened up and wished we could have mounted this operation sooner to rescue the dead guy. 

But at the end of the day, we knew that was out of our control. HQ made the call to go in. Not us. 

Retreating to the mess, and cracking open a cold lemonade, I clinked glasses with John, Kyle and Walt and we stayed up till 5am, waiting to hear that the entire squadron had made it back, no injuries were reported and the entire raid was a success before heading off. 

I stayed up a tiny bit longer, watching the dawn rise over the mountain tops and wondering when this would all end before committing myself to another cycle of vampire hours where I would wake at 9pm and stay up to 5am. 

Getting evil. Doing good. It was all blurred.  

Author’s Note:

A request from a friend who wanted something militaristic. This is my first time writing an actual squad doing work. Before I had mostly written stories about lone wolves doing the business, but it wasn’t that realistic. 

I mostly wrote this from all the books I’ve read recently about standard operations held by Special Forces solders in Afghanistan and in other theatres of war. I think it’s a lot better than my earlier work, a lot more grounded. I also chose to lessen the details of gun accessories, which don’t really mean much to a lot of people, except other gun-nerds like me. 

Instead, I focused on more descriptions about actions, scenery and I think it flowed a lot better narrative-wise than what I’ve done before. It was fun writing this.   

Here is a quick guide to all the acronyms and mil-slang in this short story, since I used a lot of them: 

• AKM – The most common assault rifle in the world. 
• BDU – Battle Dress Uniform 
• CQB – Close Quarters Battle
• DEVGRU – DEVlopment GRoUp or SEAL Team Six is the elite unit within the U.S. Navy SEALs
• EMP – Electro Magnetic Pulse – A shot burst of energy that has the ability to knock out all power and electronics in an area. 
• ETA – Estimated Time to Arrival
• FOB – Forward Operating Base
• GROM –Grupa Reagowania Operacyjno-Manewrowego. Poland’s elite Special Forces Unit, similar to the SEALs or the SAS 
• HVT – High Value Target 
• IFF – Identification Friend or Foe – A system used to ID friendly forces in an area.
• IR – Infra-Red. IR Lasers are used by Special Forces in conjunction with NODs to lase enemies, as IR are beyond visible spectrum. 
• J-Bad – Jalalabad, an important military base in Afghanistan.
• KIA – Killed in Action
• KSK – Kommando Spezialkrafte. Germany’s elite Special Forces Unit, similar to the SEALs or the SAS. 
• LZ – Landing Zone
• MAM – Military Aged Males. Used in battlefield reports to describe enemies. 
• Mikes – slang for minutes
• MK18 – A short barreled AR-15 weapon, commonly used by U.S. Special Forces for CQB (Close Quarters Battle)
• MPX – Sig Sauer’s label for their latest submachine gun, a successor to the HK’s MP5. 
• MP5 – Heckler & Koch’s submachine gun, many consider to be the best of its class. 
• MP7 – Heckler & Koch’s personal defence weapon. 
• NATO – North Atlantic Treaty Organisation
• NODs – Night Observation Devices or NVG – Night Vision Goggles are equipment used by military units to operate in the dark
• OCD – Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• PEQ-15 – A device mounted on guns to beam IR lasers 
• PJ – slang for Pararescue troopers, soldiers who specialise in parachute jumping and medical care in combat
• QRF – Quick Reaction Force, a convoy or support unit designed to help any soldiers during a mission. 
• RPG – Rocket Propelled Grenade – a common weapon used by insurgents to down any type of vehicle. 
• SAS – Special Air Service, Britain’s elite Special Forces Unit, commonly regarded as the best soldiers in the world. 
• SEAL – SEa, Air and Land, America’s elite Special Forces Unit, commonly regarded as the best soldiers in the U.S. Armed Forces. 
• ‘Stan – slang for Afghanistan
• WILCO – WILl COmply. 

~ Damocles

 

 

 

The Girlfriend Experience (2009)

4/01/2020

Dear Diary, 

This is a new year. Which means a new diary for me. I’m still in the same job, and I admit the thrill of it has been getting a little stale for me. As you know, I signed up mid last year and has been at it ever since. 

I don’t think I’ve ever really had a job like this before, where the highs are always … kind of sad. And the lows are always constant. I mean, I worked in a call centre before this job, and that was always depressing. The stories I heard then, are kind of similar to the ones I hear now, except these guys actually have money. 

But that job was always consistent in how depressing it was. 

This one?

It really goes up and down a lot. One day I might be in total control, and then the next day, I’m lying down face first and completely at the mercy of another. 

I also don’t think I was ready for the therapy either. So many guys spill everything to me. They tell me some of the craziest stuff I’ve ever heard, and then there are the normal stuff about how much they love me, and how I’m different to all the other girls they’ve met. 

I guess being naked and vulnerable in front of a stranger really opens you up. 

At first, I was also scared. But after my first client, I slowly started to embrace it. I’m not the prettiest girl, or the skinniest, but people always say I got that “girl next door” look, and that my body is “comfortable, and soft”. 

I guess you could say I’m like the softest pillow that moans when squeezed.

I’m complaining a lot aren’t I, diary? A lot of people would love to earn 90 thousand a year, and I know heaps of my girlfriends are working a lot harder than me, to earn a lot less. 

Sometimes though, I get jealous. They can say what their job is so easily. I’m always dodging the question, and lying, pretending I work at retail and that my boss is a real dick, when really she doesn’t have one and is always looking out for me and the other girls. 

I created 3 personas since I stated working, diary. Three! I got one where I’m a struggling retail worker at Sportsgirl, during hours I know my friends can’t see me at work. 

Then there’s Eve. She’s the sweetest girl you’ll ever find in a brothel, and will make you feel like you’re making love to the softest cloud, and feel nostalgic for some crush you had in the past. 

Finally, there’s me, here, in this diary, raw and unfiltered. I don’t hold anything back to you diary, because if I did, I’m scared I might lose myself. 

I’m tired though, of lying to my friends. Of lying to potential boyfriends. I’m so scared everyone will judge me, really harshly for the job I have. 

And yet … whenever I think about quitting, I look at my payslip, my apartment, all the things I’ve managed to get, all the stuff I wanted for so long, but now have … and I don’t really want to quit either. 

I’m living a really good life with all the money I’m making. Plus I’ve met all the other girls now, girls just like me, who got attracted to the job because the money was good, and they heard from someone already working. 

I just wished I didn’t feel so much shame. 

What do you think diary? Do you think this shame will fade away? Do I just need to tough it out a bit longer? 

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to tell my friends and family the truth. I don’t have my normal girlfriends over, because who would believe me, that I can have all this luxury, on a retail worker wage? What if they look into my wardrobe? There’s just too much lingerie and silk robes to explain away.

Unless of course I made up another story. But God, I am tired of making up more. 

Do you want to hear a funny irony, diary? 

I tried going on a date the other day. Just before new years, because it’s been more than 6 months since I tried dating. I tried out Tinder, and managed to get several likes. One them dm’ed me and I agreed to go out. 

I put on my favourite dress, and he took me out for Spanish tapas. 

I promised myself I would be honest if he asked me what I did for a living. I mean, he was a stranger, and I had nothing to lose. What was he going to do? I was tired about lying about myself. I had to stand up for myself somehow. Plus it wouldn’t be right for the guy if I lied from the beginning. 

I was dead wrong of course. He walked out on me and I was forced to pick up the bill. He said he wanted a real girl to marry, not some, and I quote, “skank that opened up for dollars.” 

That hurt me so much, because even though it was true, I mean … I am one, right, diary? I thought myself as something more than that. I thought back then, I was just providing a service, that the job wouldn’t really affect my personal life. That I can separate the two. 

The funny irony, is that despite having more sex, more fun, and more guys than any of my girlfriends ever had, I’m still lonelier than they are. 

Weird isn’t it, diary? 

I would be really sad about this, if it weren’t for my other girlfriends. They’re the new ones that I invite to my house a lot. We’re all sisters. We’re the ones who have to fight against the stigma other women hold against us and the sexism that men harbour for us.

I won’t lie, diary, when I’m around them, I’m not as sour as I am here. I’m more fun. I laugh a little easier, because I’m around people the same as me. 

I’m not really alone, as long as I got these girls. but I just wished I didn’t have to cut off all ties with my old life. I’m still so attached to my high school mates, the friends I made in uni and at my book club.

So many of my new friends, they were forced to abandon their old friends. They always tell me, that their old friends weren’t really friends because they couldn’t accept and love the new version of them. That being a prostitute, a sex worker is an empowering thing, and that anyone who can’t handle that, isn’t really their friend or ally. 

I’m not sure I can really do that diary. I love my friends too much to just say that they’re assholes who won’t support my new career. 

But yet I still feel like shit whenever I lie to them.  

I guess, at the end of the day, I got to make a choice don’t I, diary? 

Embrace the new me and try and reconcile the old me with it, or abandon all of this. 

All of this reminds me, diary, of one client. He was the tenderest lover, all about trying to make me feel good and soft strokes down my back and waist. He was really slow, and unbelievably gentle and I swear we must have made slow love for half an hour.

He was so radically different to everyone I had before, who loved to smack my ass, and ram me furiously and be done in 5 minutes before rolling off me and I had to really reassure them that it was OK, that their performance was really amazing, baby.

This gentle guy had me booked for a full 2 hours and he made slow love to me twice, and I admit, it felt amazing, one of the only times where I actually came on the job. 

But what struck me, was the conversation we had those two sessions. He told me that I reminded him on his first girlfriend who had died of cancer, and that while he was dating another girl, he had to come here and book me, after seeing me on a website that his friends had been sharing around in their discord chat. 

He wanted me, because he felt it was the only way making peace with the ghosts in his past. He knew it wrong, because he was dating another girl, a girl he was really fond of, but he couldn’t shake me and his ex out of his mind. He said he was in love with his current girlfriend, but just could not resist. 

He cried into my chest, and I cried with him. I didn’t know what else to say. What could I do in that situation, diary? When I saw him out, I knew he was going to tell his girlfriend about what happened between us. I could read his mind. He had that guilty but resolute expression that some men wear when they walk out of our brothel. 

It was the face of men who had their cake, but knew they couldn’t eat it too and were now ready to atone for their mistakes. We rarely ever see those men come back. Out of all the clients type we have, those are the ones I feel most sorry for. 

That gentle client chose to abandon the new life he had built, for one more taste of the past, through a surrogate that was me. 

I wonder whether I’ll have the courage to make such a choice. 

I guess that’s enough heaviness for tonight, diary. I better go have a shower and get ready for another night of work.  

Write to you soon, diary. 

~Eve 

 Author’s Note:

I’ve always had a long obsession with working girls, even back when I was in high school, burning through crime novels. Something about how beautiful, yet sad and tragic these workers can be, always appealed to my empathy and sympathy.

They are one of the oldest and most stigmatised professions in the world, yet there is a unique strength and character to a lot of these women who work day in and out, trying to earn a living. 

A lot of inspiration for this, came from The Girlfriend Experience, a film that I think is only enhanced by Soderbergh’s unique cinematography and direction, that always suited ground-level intimacy issues like prostitution. I love the unique lighting, the close ups and the fascinating ways he filmed the story. It’s not the best movie, but it’s definitely interesting, considering the main star’s fame as a porn actress and the subsequent TV series based off the film. 

However, I also drew heavily on a fascinating series published by Lot’s Wife, The Secret Diary of a Melbourne Call Girl, as well as my own personal experience with brothels and sex workers, which included a tour of one of Melbourne’s brothels and many conversations I used to have over Tumblr, with a Melbourne sex worker who detailed her experiences and struggles. 

I also wanted to practice writing as a female protagonist, as I feel a lot of my writing is very logical and too male driven. I tried to use softer language and get attuned to the emotions of what Eve was feeling. 

I think I still got a long way to go. 

Until the next one

~Damocles 

End of Watch (2012)

The boredom started, because some ass-wipe thought it would be funny to take his .22 Long Rifle and have a few pot shots at people walking along the street. 

They gave me all the details. 10 shot. 4 dead. 3 gravely wounded and the other half going to need therapy and a lot of alcohol to deal with what just happened.

It was a perfect day, no wind, sunny, temperatures reaching a warm 80, just your regular beautiful Tuesday in Austin.

Ideal conditions for a wannabe punk sniper too. 6 minutes was all it took.

He was a lot of things. Tall, dark, handsome, an out of towner, and armed with 2 things … a Remington rimfire rifle, and a 1911 pistol.

What an All-American I remembered thinking during the briefing. No one asked why he did it. All that mattered was he was another name on the list for us to catch.

We followed SOP* …

Put an immediate BOLO** out. Had uniforms searching every street. SWAT teams were smashing down doors of suspected hide-outs. Witnesses, informants … anyone and everyone were interviewed, some … more aggressively than others. 

I was one of those aggressors. One of the victims who had been shot, was my niece. She was on her way home from basketball practice, and now she was in hospital, fighting to breathe, after a .22 collapsed a lung. 

The punk was good. Despite using the shittiest, smallest and weakest bullets ever designed, he had shot his victims multiple times. The ones who died, went through agony, as the tiny rounds tore them apart, many times over.

It was sadistic.

The only reason why the others, my niece among them, had survived because they had scrambled for cover despite their wounds and the incoming sirens made him run away. He didn’t even bother to hide the fact that he had a rifle slung over his shoulder. 

The moment the briefing was over, I went straight to my squad car. I was one of the few uniforms who didn’t need a partner. I had survived enough, shot enough and been shot at enough to warrant my solo status.

I went to every single informant I had and beat them with a nightstick until they gave me everything, truths … lies … names … times … all of it, until I was tired of swinging. I would storm back into my car, head ablaze with information, none of it useful to the current man-hunt. 

Then, I would replay back tapes that the FBI had released to us, about the claims from eyewitnesses. 70% of them were horseshit. People loved to bullshit the police. They saw it as their moment of fame or a chance to humiliate us and confuse us. Others had shit memories and no eye for detail. Things we already knew were repeated constantly. 

He was a lot of things. Tall, dark, handsome, an out of towner, and armed with 2 things … a Remington rimfire rifle, and a 1911 pistol.

An All-American.

But the 30% of useful information helped us create a towering mountain of evidence. 

People reported hearing shots from an abandoned building that was directly perpendicular to the street where the shooting took place. It was old, rickety, soon to be demolished. Any windows had already been smashed, every wall covered in graffiti, and the entire place reeked of decay, cigarettes and weed.

But shell casings were also found, as well as a small groove that the punk had carved out to rest his rifle. Ballistics matched the shell casing and trajectories of the bullets perfectly. 

The 30% also gave us a precise description of what happened in those fateful 6 minutes, and enough details to create a computer generated impression of the man for our BOLO.

Everything needed to give him a death sentence was dotted, signed and stamped. 

Now all we needed was the punk himself. 

Depending on your world view, I had been waiting for a half hour or half a lifetime. 

To me it felt like half a lifetime.

I love being productive. Beating up people felt like it was constructive. Driving hard to catch joy-riders was equally dynamic. As was even doing mountains of paperwork. Because you knew every action mattered to keeping people behind bars.

But the waiting was the worse. There are only so many times you can check, recheck and reload your Glock 17. You can’t fiddle with your taser, or tweak your radio’s position on your belt for 2 hours. All you can do is wait and stare.

Usually, you and your partner would talk. Discuss life. Politics. Wives. Plans for weekends. The one time you fell down a flight of stairs and cut open your arm, hence the wicked forearm scar. Or when you snuck out as a teenager to see a porn flick in cinemas.

I didn’t have that luxury. I wanted to run solo. The incredible boredom during any wait is penance for that reward.

It had taken me over 2 days to come to this spot. An informant’s squeal had corroborated with an eyewitness report in the area, that an All American had been seen in the vicinity and no one reported him leaving.

This was my district, an area I knew as well as where I lived and grew up. There could only be 5 potential spots where he could hide.

Uniforms were already posted outside the other 4. I was at the one that I figured was the most likely.

It was picturesque. The perfect place for an All American to hide. White picket fences marched down the streets. Perfectly maintained and manicured red maples stood guard in front, on beautifully mowed lawns. The two story houses were all perfect contrasts of brick, metal, glass and tiled roofs.

Everything screamed Americana. It was the last place anyone would look.

But I knew better. When things looked too good, smelled too nice and acted too kind, there was a strange feeling of decay.

Decay because behind the wide smiles, the perfect blue eyes, the flowing summer dresses and the perfectly pressed polo shirts, everyone was grimacing and straining hard against their true nature.

In all my years on service, places like these gave me the creep, because there was a group mentality behind crimes. People could turn on each other in a heartbeat and hide  behind those psycho smiles. Everything looked and behaved like Hollywood.

Fake and perfect.

I despised places like these. Everyone was always acting like you were the alien that ruined their paradise. But even in this fake paradise, there was a blight.

And that was House 194 on this perfect street.

Outwardly, there was nothing wrong with it.

It looked like every other perfect house along this street. A beautifully wide house, with two storeys, square windows and a perfectly triangular roof. It was a mixture of black accents, white walls, brown roof and cedar door. The windows were slightly stained in that neo-gothic style, and the overall impression was handsome, solid and quaint.

But as everyone knew, there was a family murder within the walls, the wife, and 2 new born twins dead, slaughtered by an axe and a stiff drink.

It had been on the market ever since. It was still beautifully maintained. Cleaners went in every month, to air it out, dust it out and mow the lawn, as per the rules of this Americana suburb.

But they had been skipping corners ever so often. No one liked the idea of scrubbing walls that were once stained with blood.

So the windows were slightly opaque from the dust. The door squeaked on its hinges. The vines grew up the walls and tendrils reached into the roof.

Even the For Sale sign out front looked worn down from all its years of trying to sell.

I knew the All American had to be in here. It was clever. A guy like him, acted, behaved and moved cleverly, but he was also arrogant. What kind of sonvuabitch walked around with a rifle on his back in broad daylight?

I also had a feeling that he was looking through one of those windows, with his eye on the scope, staring out on the road.

But I didn’t have proof. I couldn’t just break down the door and storm in. I needed evidence. Some sign of life in there.

So I had to settle in for that half a lifetime wait.

The suburb was shaped like a window. It was a perfect square, with a plus in the middle.

House 194 was near the centre, on the west side of the intersection. I was waiting on the south end, in my not so subtle squad car, No. 86, a deer in headlights with its black and white paint job.

I had my binocs out, staring through them, waiting for a curtain to move, a door to open, a window to creak … any sign of movement.

But I couldn’t stare for hours. No one could. So sometimes I relaxed my neck, I would stretch it. I would give my eyes a rest, away from the tunnel vision and look around. I would fiddle with the duty belt, making minute adjustments on the magazines, the taser, the baton, the pistol and my sunglasses.

I would undo the top button of my dark uniform, letting my skin breathe a little in the heat, and complain to myself about the weight and restriction of my body armour.

All that bitching on 4 hours of stake out duty … nearly made me miss it.

A curtain moving on the top floor. And a barrel coming out and looking directly at my squad car.

I saw it wink.

Then glass shattered …

and held. The squad car saving my life with its anti-ballistic properties.

I immediately reached for my radio as I ducked down, the car shuddering as it took more hits.

Shots fired. Shots fired. Officer 86 in contact. 10-72. I require immediate assistance at my location, corner of Robinhood and Stevenson. 10-78 at Robinhood and Stevenson.

A calm female operator immediately responded.

Copy that Officer 86, 4 10-76 on route. I repeat 4 squads on route to your location now. Hold where you are.

10-4. I breathed heavily, as I reached behind my seat and grabbed the Remington 870 shotgun off the rack. Loading 8 rounds into the shogun’s magazine, I stayed low, stuffing shells in my pocket and the shotgun, waiting for a lull in the shots.

Hearing nothing and feeling nothing in the car, for a good thirty seconds, I kicked open the door and sprinted around to the back of the car.

Rounds hummed past me and I felt my adrenaline kick in. Fear also. Then cold professionalism. I have been under fire before. I knew I had to stay calm and make my shots count.

Crouching behind the car, I peered through the cracked windshield at House 194, and noted that there were trees for cover all the way to the front of the house, and that it was a solid 10 metre run to the front door.

Too far to make it without backup.

But moving forwards to the trees was enough.

Slamming the pump forward, I stayed crouched and leaned to the right of the car and in rapid succession, pumped off 4 shots that blew off the window of the house.

Each round slammed heavily into my shoulder, but the immediate satisfaction of the window shattering, and glass cascading down in clear rainbows of light onto the lawn, caused me to ignore the recoil.

I immediately stood up and dashed to the nearest tree, 5 metres away, my breathing heavy and laboured, as air struggled to get into my lungs, the weight of all my equipment slowing me down as my boots pounded the road.

Then to my shock, I saw a flash from one of the lower windows, of which there were 4, 2 on the right and ditto for the left, and I just managed to dive for the tree, avoiding the round and crawl furiously the last half metre to prop myself against the sturdy tree.

Immediately, bark and splinters started to fly, cutting my exposed forearms, as I held the shotgun up towards my face, trying to minimise my profile. Round after round slammed into the tree, chunks flying away, before I decided to end the stalemate by crouching lower and ducking around the narrow tree and pump the last 4 rounds into the far left window.

The incoming fire slackened, and picking myself up again, I pushed forward to another tree, this one thicker and more stout than the previous one.

Taking a breather, swallowing deep gulps of air, I reached into my pocket and felt my hand shake.

Withdrawing it, I made a fist, ending the shakes and began to thumb another 8 rounds into the magazine, the cold steel of the shotgun, beginning to warm under my hands and the rapid fire.

Looking back at my squad car, I heard all types of voices assault my ear, as radio calls came in thick and heavy. I just kept repeating myself, my voice sounding monotone and robotic, as my mind and body tried to keep the fight or flight response under control.

10-72, Officer 86. 10-72. Requesting 10-78 on my position. 10-72. 10-72. Approach from the east and south. Suspect is barricaded in House 194 of Stevenson Avenue, north side. 

I also remembered where I was, and that while I hated this area, civilians were everywhere. Fortunately, there was no sign of life anywhere. This was a late Sunday afternoon. Most people were either retiring early, or drowsy and unwilling to be out on a stroll.

I could also hear sirens approaching. No doubt the other squad cars that I sent to the other locations rushing to my position.

Risking another peek around the tree, I didn’t see any movement in the house, but I could assess the damage. I had blown out 2 windows, and curtain were now moving stiffly in the wind out the front. I briefly entertained the thought whether the murdered family would haunt me for the damage I did to their house.

Then the flashes started again, this time from the top floor.

Snapping my head back, the rounds slammed into the grass beneath me and turn the area black with heat.

Racking my shotgun again, I feinted to the left side of the tree, only to snap around the right and this time I let all the windows of the top floor have it.

The booms of the shotgun reverberated through the neighbourhood and my eardrums, nearly rendering me deaf.

The incoming fire slackened as I pummeled the top right and I took the lull to rush forward to the closest tree to the house. By now, I had fired 16 rounds, and I was down to my last 8.

But back-up was here.

While I was driven by anger, revenge and badly wanted to be the one to blow this sonvuabitch’s head off, I was all too aware of how much trouble I was in.

A bullet was still a bullet. I was only flesh and blood. Being reckless would only put more of my brothers and sisters lives in danger.

So I was glad they were here.

The 4 squad cars saw my position and pulled perfect braking manoeuvres, nose to nose. The driver would brake hard, while the passenger’s door was already open, ready to dive out and scramble around for cover clutching their heavy gun, an M4A1 assault rifle or a 870 shotgun like mine.

Immediately as they pulled up outside the house, the cars began to get pinged by fire, bullets smashing into doors, sirens, windows and tyres.

Even though he was using a bolt action rifle, the bastard could really shoot. He was pulling back the bolt and slamming his finger on the trigger within a second of each shot. It wasn’t easy.

But his fire superiority only lasted for 30 seconds, because then all 8 cops instantly returned fire.

Glocks barked. The M4s chattered. And the 870s roared.

The entire house front was lit up with holes and any damage I did, looked puny and insignificant in comparison to this Fourth of July gun show.

The officers kept up the fire, and I yelled at 2 of them to follow me to the front of the door.

Nodding and keeping their heads down, Officers Taylor and Zavala rushed to my tree, whilst firing their pistols at the house.

OK boys. I got the door. I sweep forward, Taylor you got right, Zavala, you got left. OK?

You got it.

OK.

OK. Let’s do it. 

The three of us charged forwards, as the cops behind us continued their barrage. Aiming my shotgun at the big door, I blew the hinges and lock off the door with 3 rounds and put my foot through the door, causing it to crash heavily on the inside of the floor.

The three of us charged in, guns sweeping left and right and centre. No sign yet.

Outside, the other cops stopped firing and began moving up to us, as the three of us held the door, like an Charlie’s Angel pose. 4 of them pushed left and right of the house to the backyard of the house, eager to cut off any escape. One stayed with the squad cars, ready to brief the inevitable arrival of the SWAT teams while the last one joined us inside.

As soon as we got confirming hands on our shoulders, we pushed onward. I chose the upstairs, the last place he might have been.

The house was large. It was split into your typical left wing meant dining table, that lead onto the kitchen, the right wing equating to a large living area that turned into laundry, bathroom and study room at the rear.  A central staircase bisected both wings, with the upper floor mirroring the bottom, with bedrooms and bathrooms.

As I slowly, cautiously, and almost painfully climbed the stairs, I tried my best to control my breathing. It sounded obnoxiously loud. All I could picture the All American, waiting for me, his 1911 extended, firing constantly, as he ended my life, all because I breathed too loud.

Weirdly too, I saw him sat in a chair, like some lame villain in a movie.

But that fear dissipated as I remembered my niece in hospital. Fighting. Crying. Struggling.

Anger pushed blood through my body and I could sense my breathing even out.

The tiny bead sight of the Remington struggled to pierce through the gloom of the house, furthering my caution.

I waited at the corner of the staircase landing, scanning like a paranoid man, both left and right, unsure which way to proceed.

I spun a coin in my head and chose left.

Waiting at the apex of the corner, I watched my footing, as I slowly swiveled around the corner, the shotgun leading forward and my eyes wide open, my ears straining to hear any noise.

The empty hallway ahead of me sneered at my caution.

2 large bedrooms, one left, one right and a bathroom directly in front of me. I pirouetted suddenly and checked my rear.

Another sneer from the house. But the layout was the same.

Below I could hear my fellow officers kicking open doors and yelling “POLICE!” and then seconds later yelling “ROOM CLEAR!”

But right now, it was just me.

Stacked up on the left door, I kicked it open, and swept my shotgun left and right.

Nothing. Just stained, ugly carpet. No furniture. Nothing of interest. Nowhere for the man to hide.

Moving out, I checked the hallway again.

Empty.

I move to the room on the right and again, swept left and right. There was nothing in the room either. No furniture. No sign of blood stained walls. Just empty carpet and empty wardrobes.

I start to get more nervous. Which room is this bastard in?

As I prepare to enter the final room at the end of the left hallway, as my leg is raised to kick the door …

A hole appears in the door, near my head.

Then two bullets slam into my back, causing me to crash into the door, and tumble through, onto the hard marble floor.

My shoulders took the brunt of the impact as I let go of the Remington and scrabbled desperately for cover, finding it in the shower stall and unleashing my Glock, I fired blindly through the door.

I struggled to breathe. Huge pain flared across my back as the pressure and heat of the bullets that had slammed into my body armour registered in my mind, cutting through the protective mental layer of adrenaline.

I heard the men below, began yelling my name and throw threats at the man who had fired at me.

Then I heard screaming, as the men ducked for cover and scramble away, as the gunfire increased in intensity at them.

Gritting my teeth, I rounded the corner and aimed the Glock and saw the All American, firing his 1911 down, a manic expression on his face.

I lined up the back sight.

The front sight looked squarely at his chest.

He sensed me.

He spun around.

His silver 1911 catching the light as it aimed at me.

My finger slammed the trigger to the rear, and I didn’t stop.

The first shot tore through his sternum. The second went high and into his throat. The third opened up his cheek. The fourth blew off an ear. The fifth missed.

His body slumped and went lifeless and I walked up and fired three more times.

Kicking the 1911 away, I didn’t bother checking for a pulse. No one could survive that many shots. Nothing could escape that level of punishment.

Blood had been spilled again in this house. Fresh crimson and pink-grey matter speckled the walls.

Clear! I heard myself yell automatically.

Suspect down.

Feeling empty, I walked back and picked up my Remington. A justified shooting on the job, is still considered a homicide. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt great after a murder. Even when a sonvuabitch like him deserves it. Blood doesn’t ever seems to come off your hands.

I saw Zavala and Taylor and the third guy, Ramirez, look at me, their faces echoing a grim nihilism that all policemen and women feel after a shooting like this.

We radioed it in.

Followed standard SOP.

Fetched the dead man’s .22 long rifle, and found that it matched the crime of attempted murder of a police officer.

Secured the 1911 that had nearly ended my life.

Slapped my body vest and plucked out the bullets that were embedded in the Kevlar.

Placed a bag over the disfigured face that had nearly taken more lives.

Counted the number of shots we had taken in an effort to stop this man. It bordered on the obscene.

Called the real estate owner, who was currently safeguarding this property.

He was less than thrilled. Promised to send us the bill. We politely deferred.

Filed back to our squad cars, as the forensic team, SWAT team, and a dozen more uniforms turned up to see what had happened and answer their questions.

It was only when I looked at my squad car, I realised just how lucky I was.

The shots that peppered and cracked my windshield showed over 20 rounds had been fired at me. One had even managed to go through, and hit the chair. A dozen more could be counted in the front bonnet.

Ramirez and Taylor came over and stared at my car.

Jesus Sarge.

I nodded. That about summed it up.

Mind if I get a ride back to the precinct?

The two men nod and we made our way back, the three of us silent as we processed what just happened.

When you are in combat, you don’t think about things. You react. You hope your training kicks in to take over, so that you don’t have to think too hard. But the moment the shooting stops, suddenly guilt enters your mind, as does the constant questions about mortality.

I was so close today. Had the man been aiming a bit better, my brains would be all over the bathroom floor of House 194.

As I stared out at the city of Austin, I noted the twilight atmosphere slowly crawl across the sky, and ask for a quick course change.

Taylor nodded and spins the wheel in the direction I need and even lights up the sirens for me.

As I walk through the corridors, I do my best to ignore the stares.

Knocking gently, I enter the quiet room and look inside.

The nurse looks at me and back at my niece.

She’s stable at the moment. Just sleeping through it now.

I nod silently, pull up a chair and sit next to her.

Thank you nurse.

She nods and walks out, leaving the two of us alone.

I gently squeeze my niece’s hand and whisper

I got him for you darling. I got him.

Before I feel tears start to well, and run down my cheeks. Then … my head is in my hands as I let everything go, all the fear, stress, and relief.

~

Author’s Note:

Probably the longest and admittedly one of the messier stories I’ve written so far. As an Australian … I should have researched more Americanism that I could have put in the story.

House 194 obviously doesn’t exist, nor does my description of the area. But the actual street names are real and it is a window style road layout. It looks very nice via Google maps and  no disrespect is meant for that neighbourhood.

I’ve always admired cops and their jobs and this was originally written, because of my intense boredom at work, and me wondering whether cops got equally bored on stake-out duty.

I, of course, ended up getting way too invested in the context and background of that stakeout feeling and hence this story was born and written. 

The film, End of Watch (2012) served as a inspiration for a lot of the equipment described in this story.

~Damocles.

 

 

The man started by wiping down the table.

Using long, sweeping motions, the micro fibre towel, created a glossy sheen on the dark kitchen bench.

With a sharp flick of the wrist, the towel was dampened under the running water, and hung on a small hook, neat, loose and ready for use again.

Satisfied, the man began opening drawers and cupboards.

Bowls, boards, and knives were neatly arranged on the table, as per his usual layout, Knives on the right, straight up, boards in front of him, with the smallest bowl on the left and getting larger to the right in a neat semi circle around the board.

Pirouetting around, he began firing up the gas stove, its dark glossy ceramic finish sparkling under the blue flame.

Placing his phone a bit further away from his cooking station, the man made a minute adjustment, via the device, to the lighting of the kitchen, casting everything in a warm, functional amber light.

Taking a pair of pink-red salmon fillets out of the large sliding door fridge, he let them rest in a metal bowl, and set up a pair of pans on the stove.

Letting them warm up sufficiently, he lightly glossed one with a smattering of olive oil, while the other he poured half a cup of olive oil.

Reaching down, he took out a large pot and poured instant boiling water into it, while reaching into a glass jar and with circular motions, began to salt the water.

Placing it on the stove, he grabbed a bundle of dry linguine, and placed it gently in the water, stirring it gently with a spoon, every so often.

Taking a half head of garlic, he sliced them thinly, the knife moving in quick, precise cuts, always nearly grazing his knuckles.

Running the knife under the water, he slid open the fridge, and took out flat-leaf parsley, and ran them both under the stream.

The sizzle of both pans caused him to spin around and deftly place the salmon and the sliced garlic in both, the salmon receiving an instant sear as the pink skin kissed the simmering oil and heat.

The garlic, hissed slightly as the pool of oil made contact and began to brown the edges.

Taking out three dark, light and wood mills, respectively pepper, salt and red pepper flakes, the man added flavouring touches to the salmon with the salt and pepper, the garlic with the dark red peppers.

Cutting through the parsley, with the same precision and speed he performed on the garlic, he lifted the board and slid the chopped pieces into a bowl, the green colour shining through the clear glass.

Taking a large wooden handle carving fork, he flipped the salmon onto its skin and added a couple more touches of pepper and salt. Pleased with its consistency, he took out a couple of large ceramic grey plates and placed the salmon atop with the skin facing upwards, crisp and orange-pink.

Turning his attention to his pasta, he deftly tossed the linguine into a sieve, the slight hardness indicating their ever-so-slightly under-cooked nature and gave a couple of tosses of the pan to mix the garlic, oil and red pepper better.

The linguine splashed into the oil, along with a quarter cup of the pasta oil, and began to sizzle immediately, filling the kitchen with an intoxicating smell of garlic, extra virgin olive oil and a hint of spice.

Mixing vigorously, the man held the bowl of chopped parsley high, and waited for a second, before throwing the contents atop and watching the parsley shrivel slightly from the heat.

Walking back to the fridge, he extracted a single lemon, deftly sliced it in half, flicked out the seeds and drizzled the an entire half atop the pasta.

Pleased with the colour, he held up a single strand and taste tested it, before adding a tiny crack of salt and then using the carving fork, he twirled the pasta around it and made a neat circular pile atop the ceramic plate, next to the crispy salmon.

Leaving a plate behind for himself,  he speared both with elegant bone handle forks, and carried the second plate, the smell and vapor lingering in its wake, to his apartment door.

Opening it, he entered a lift and travelled to a floor halfway to the bottom, but not quite.

Looking for the right combination of letters and numbers, he knocked once firmly, before leaving it on a small tray next to the apartment door and swiftly moved back to the lift and into the sanctuary of his penthouse.

Where he ate alone, staring out at the city-scape, lit up by 20 million people, imagining what it would be like to cook for the woman in the apartment below him, with her watching …

~

The woman opened the door and smiled when she saw the bowl of pasta and salmon. The ritual had been going for months now. Every Friday, a stranger would knock precisely between the times of 7.30pm to 7.45pm and deliver a delicious meal.

Sometimes it was a meticulous nigiri platter, the colours deeply romantic, with hues of dark crimson tuna, bright orange salmon, pearl like scallops and rich brown-black eel.

Other nights, it was a delicious fatty smashed burger, impossibly tender beef patties with cheese oozing out the side, and french fries cooked to a golden, yellow, salty crispness that belittled other fast food competitors.

The menu always changed and she was always shocked at the quality of ingredients and skill in preparation and cooking.

She would try to look through the keyhole, but he always avoided it and would vary the timing of the delivery so that she could never catch him, despite her running swiftly to the door to catch him when she heard the knock.

She even knew the type of knock he would give now. It was the kind that was firm, and precise, unlock the knocks she heard from her neighbours who complained about her playing music at 4am, or the online delivery man who leered at her whenever he arrived with her package.

Out of gratefulness, she bought a small coffee tray and had it match the type of cutlery and plating he always used. It was too expensive, but the meals she was getting, every Friday, despite her meager salary was something she didn’t want to miss.

She also had to find a way to return the plates and beautiful forks. And without fail, by Saturday morning, they had disappeared from the dark tray outside.

She had no idea why this was happening to her. She had wondered whether this was something that happened to people regularly in this apartment building, as she had only moved in recently, but no one had ever received such delicious food gifts.

She asked everyone she could meet about the limited details she knew about the man, but no one had any reports of anything strange happening.

She only even knew it was a man, because a neighbour told her while that he was locking the door, he had seen a man in a white dress shirt, and suit pants that definitely didn’t live on their level, enter the lift, smelling of the delicious food in front of her door.

What else did she know about him? Precious little.

She only knew that she was desperate to meet him, to thank him, to talk to him, to find out more about him. She had so many questions.

But at least one of them was answered …

What meal would she get on Friday?

Pasta aglio e olio with a pan fried salmon fillet, lightly salted.

~

Author’s Note:

I wrote this whilst simultaneously bored out of my mind at Miniso, and insanely hungry after working 6 hours straight from 9am. 

Needless to say, looking up how to make this dish didn’t help the mental hunger either. 

And … my lunch was decidedly less delicious and decadent sounding than what I wrote here … a boring chicken wrap with chips. 

First time I’ve ever wrote a cooking segment though. Was fun adapting the recipe to make it sound a bit more sensual and interesting than:

“Heavily salt a large pot of water, and bring to a boil. Cook pasta until slightly underdone while completing the steps below.”

Does everything need to sound so dry? 

This was also a tiny bit inspired by a visit to a luxurious kitchenware store in Chadstone.

~Damocles