I miss the actual act of placing a vinyl on a record player or inserting a CD into a player.
That textile action of choosing your album and letting it play out, without the ADD sensation of rapidly clicking onto another song, is something I miss.
It’s an actual decision. You are stuck with that album, the good songs, the tunes you want to skip and the music in-between.
Once you are done enjoying the entire album, you take it out carefully, and put it aside and select another one.
I’m not sure why I’m delving into nostalgia, but I can probably pinpoint the reason why. Yet for some weird reason I’m hesitant to reveal.
I may be a lot of things, but a liar on this blog, isn’t one of them.
The reason why is because the theme of slack for this rundown. I miss the determined Damocles before TET.
Hence the moment TET ended, and the Gold Coast holiday started, I could sense my motivation slip for this challenge.
Things went too smooth. I ate too much, I didn’t exercise, and I really let my guard down.
And now trying to get back into the groove is proving difficult.
Especially with the fact that I snacked a bit too much in these past 2 weeks, and started drinking Coke more.
Curse the damn leftovers from TET.
Temptation is staring at me and I keep looking back and caving in.
However today, I figured that the more honest I am about my problems and if I refuse the gaze of snacking and soft drinks, I will get back into the groove.
It’s time to reclaim that healthier diet. More water, less sweets, less carbohydrates and watching the amount I eat.
I realised, that discipline isn’t something to be feared. It’s something to aspire to, to mould into something unique for yourself.
The person that is able to maintain high levels of discipline and integrate unique routines and activities that better themselves will always triumphs over the rigours of life.
I also have to acknowledge the fact that, I am also an addict.
I am hooked on the thrill of chaos.
When everything goes wrong, that is when I feel most engaged with life.
Of course, I don’t mean that in an all encompassing sense. It’s more, when things that I can see a solution to, problems that I can control go wrong simultaneously.
I love trying to come up with answers to issues that might overwhelm another.
Now, that I’ve discovered the ability to work on things simultaneously in my mind, I want to keep exercising that muscle.
I believe in my own efficiency. My own skills to address problems. I feel safe in knowing that my experience and knowledge can truly come up with creative and smart innovations for a lot of problems.
A key example of this is during the TET festival, when I split my mind into three, to solve three unique problems that the decoration, second stage and activities were all facing, at once.
However, all this self-faith, always come across a huge stop marker when things I can’t control occur. Weather, insanely stubborn people, authority figures and huge bureaucratic systems are just some of the things that come to mind.
I’m a hyper individualist.
A strange term that I have never heard before, until my friend, Samuel told me, that this philosophy, moral stance and ideology perfectly described me.
And upon reading further, it does fit me.
I value independence and self-reliance and oppose external interference on my own self-interests like the government. I think anarchy is the preferred state that society should operate in and the description of my “mind palace” resembles that of an bohemian bachelor.
All these things point to Individualism as my preferred ideology for life.
So how does that relate back to the Before 30 Challenge?
Well, my individualist nature is what made the B30 challenge even a possibility. I didn’t invite anyone else to partake in this challenge. Nor did I bother trying to join a gym.
I just went out and did it.
My motivation to excel in this self appointed crusade of mine, to lose weight, only increased as the chaos and stress of TET began, (a clear indication of anarchy as my preferred state) and then subsided as I was slowly assimilated back into normal functioning society.
I announced my addiction because, to be honest, if you don’t say things aloud and see it appear, even in the digital world, it’s not real.
I live in that panicked state, whereas everyone else is losing their mind. So in other to gain traction again, I need to create another panicked state.
In other words, it’s time for me to involve Tofu Events and create an arena of anarchy where my energy and will can best be spent tackling all the problems my business has.
So here is the list of things I am going to do, to make it real.
- 1 hour of daily exercise
- 1 hour of daily Tofu work
- 1 hour of daily reading
- 1 type of writing a week
- 1 rundown a week
- 1/2 hour of GT Sport Simulator
- Budget my fortnightly income better
It’s time to make Tofu Events a proper business.
It’s time to get better at driving.
It’s time to get closer to my weight goal
It’s time to read more and learn.
It’s time to write and keep practising this skill.
It’s time to start ticking things off the wish-list.
I’ve never really struggled with identity issues, due to individualism.
I am the sum of all that has happened to me, and all that I’ve learnt.
I don’t belong to a, b, c, e, f, g, h or any of the letters or numbers that make up = d.
I am Damocles.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Here to see this B30 challenge to the end and then find another one straight after that.