What If? Damocles was wealthy.

Wealth is an all too familiar obsession of mine.

Not in the accumulation of wealth. But in the expenditure.

To look at my spending habits, my bank details, would be akin to stealing more bread and wine from the Church’s altar.

You know it’s wrong, a violation of something sacred. But you’re hungry and thirsty and damned anyway, so what is one more act of religious criminality?

Savings accounts are like my bread and wine. I shouldn’t touch and draw from them. It goes against conventional respect and wisdom, but I’m desperate to buy that brand new Barbour jacket. So what is one more addition to my Afterpay loans?

I have a terrible list, as long and wide as the litany of sins I’ve committed. The purchases on that list could probably kickstart a small economy into shape and secure a decent loan on a house.

But it is a definitive list of all the things I desire. Everything from aspirin and CRKT knives to Hibachi grills, and Tom Ford Windsor suits are on that list. I’ve even bothered to list them in the order I want to get them in.

It is ever so slightly sickening how much I wish to engage in capitalism. Such is the price though, of my many varied interests. There are thousands of books, knives, guns, bows and arrows, racing parts, clothes and accessories I want to get.

Normally though, the list wouldn’t be a problem. Everyone has one of their own. My issue is that my list is too exorbitantly priced.

I could be happy with just a pair of cheap jeans. But instead I choose to value a more expensive pair because they should ideally last longer, function better in environments I want them to, and I am actually a sucker for certain brands.

I also love to eat expensively, dress exclusively and relax at lavish bars.

A major Achilles’ heel.

So …. what if I was wealthy?

For starters, my ego would probably shoot through the roof. There’s almost definitely a genuine chance that I would be every single cliche of the “young, rich, privileged, conceited, elitist asshole.” I would probably even lack the self-awareness to correct it, instead choosing to proudly wear that badge like it was some kind of trophy.

I actually have so many plans though, if I was wealthy.

The dream is to own a penthouse in the city somewhere, or along a beach, where the horizon stretches out forever, and I can stand against a large window, emulating the scene from Heat (1995). Ideally the spacious apartment complex would have a display room with all my collectibles, ranging from a record player with vinyls, a cabinet with small plaques for all my Star Wars Original Trilogy LEGO sets, and shelves upon shelves of books.

I would also love a 10 car garage, similar to my fictional lifestyle in Grand Theft Auto Online, with numerous vehicles, ranging from the sublime like the Aston Martin Superleggera, to the exotic like the McLaren 720s and the classic like the Toyota 2000GT.

There would be an internal elevator to take these cars from the top to the bottom, naturally.

I would also love to have a separate place, a hidden basement under some business I own, (perhaps my own Event Company office) where I’d have access to an indoor range, lounge and squash court. The range would be effectively soundproofed and air-conditioned, an easy place for me to practice marksmanship and do basic drills. Whether I am using my guns or my bow, either way, I can get lots of reps in.

The squash court provides extra exercise and incentive for me to get better at one my favourite sports, with this basement also equipped with a simple parkour course, with plenty of bars for me to swing off and hone my agility.

Back at my apartment, I would also have an entertainment room, with a gaming pc, a racing simulator rig, and 3 arcade cabinets of my favourite childhood games: Time Crisis 2, Initial D and Dance Dance Revolution. This room would also feature a beautiful pool table, and a kick-ass cinema system, with a small bar located in the corner.

I would be striving for a highly minimalist designs for my apartment, with easy access to a private helicopter (The tiny, fun, fast and manoeuvrable MD 500) that I would learn how to fly. I could use this helicopter for business purposes, cut through traffic, or find an easy way to travel to my private boat, which would actually be a racing catamaran that I would take out for fun. This vessel would be based off the vehicles seen in the SailGP.

I like to think that despite my wealth, I would be constantly striving to improve myself. I would have a strict schedule of Krav Maga, Squash, Parkour, Competitive Shooting, Racing and Writing.

I would love to be able to fund myself into a competitive racing scene, perhaps the Porsche or Ferrari challenge, something that is professional, but not as hardcore as the Formula series. Even something as fun and casual as rallycross could be an option, as I would definitely buy a shitbox and tear its internal apart and create the perfect RX vehicle.

My wardrobe would be a walk-in, with a large mirror to compensate for the tiny one I currently own. I would have rows of suits, blue, grey, brown, cream and black. There would be a myriad of shoes to match, tactical gear ranging from assault shirts to war-belts, and a vast collection of headgear.

Combat helmets with NODs (Night Observation Devices), Morale Patch Caps, Racing Helmets, Fencing Masks and Cricket Helmets, to name a few, would line neatly next to each other. I have always loved masks and headgear, so no doubt this collection would blossom rapidly with far too much disposable income.

A Roman Centurion Helmet has always been one of my obsessive pieces of antiquity that I wanted to own, and I would display it with a replica cuirass and greaves on a marble mannequin. This set of course, wouldn’t be complete without a replica gladius and pilum.

Throughout the apartment, I would also feature a lot of different type of artwork, with an emphasis on my friends’ work and fascinating racing and travel posters from the past, with iconic marketing appeal.

I’ve always envisioned highly modern aesthetics, for this place, with a lot of glass and dark wood.

I think at the end of the day, I would be trying to constantly spend my wealth everywhere, because …. I have so many interests and hobbies I want to pursue and the only way I can possibly do it all, if I have a huge amount of money to sustain such luxuries.

I like to think that I would use my wealth to elevate my friends. Treat them to expensive meals, birthday gifts and help them along with any jobs or get better at trading and investments.

I’ve always thought that the accumulation of wealth is a pointless venture. There is no point in having so much money, that you do not know what to do with it. I prefer to spend everything, and know that I’ve driven myself destitute because I’ve strived to be more than the zeros in my account.

The world is too interesting, too strange and too exciting to be a miserable miser. I just want enough to pursue all my passions without worrying whether I can afford a meal.

God are they numerous.

I could probably add scuba-diving, piano playing (jazz) sky-diving, BASE-jumping, archaeology, Napoleonic antiquities, gaming … really, the list goes on and on.

I like to think, despite my wealth, I will probably still be poor.

Because I’ll be out there chasing everything I always wanted to explore.

~ Damocles.