weight-loss – Damocles' Journal

Weight: 86kgs

It is now officially week 3 of this weight loss and nothing has changed.

Naturally I have fallen into a pit of despair and am now eating poorly again ….

This what I would have done 2 months ago. But instead I’m getting angrier.

Why the hell isn’t my weight going down?

This is a post of frustration more than anything else. What am I doing wrong?

I understand that losing your weight is hard in your 30s, but it shouldn’t be this difficult.

Where is the dip to show that something is working?

I have been hitting the gym for 4 days in a row. I am eating less.

But nothing has moved.

It’s time to shake things up. I don’t mean changing drastically anything I am doing, but I need to start collating more data on what isn’t working for me.

I need to start calorie counting. I also need to track my sleep, which I suspect 6 hours is simply not enough.

I like to think that my level of intensity and exercise is enough, but perhaps it’s also time to start using my standing desk more frequently, instead of just after lunch.

So, let’s work backwards, and start analysing what the hell I am doing and what I can do to improve things.

I typically get up at 0800 to prepare for work. The only issue with this is, my typical bed-time is 1.30am.

I need to fix this and get a solid 7 hours of sleep. Sleep is one of the most crucial factors in losing weight and I’m not taking it seriously at all.

From 0800 to 1200, I only eat one protein bar, which does a decent job at filling my stomach. I don’t drink coffee, tea or anything except a few chugs of water.

I think consuming more water will also help with my dieting. Coffee apparently would help also, however, I dislike the taste and am generally not keen on getting hooked on caffeine.

At midday, like clockwork, I typically prepare lunch. I think one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in the past, is loading too much rice or pasta in my lunches. They are unnecessary carbs that don’t do me any good. For the past two weeks, I’ve been trialling peri-peri chicken wraps, with plenty of greens and they make me feel noticeably lighter.

However, I feel like consuming two of these wraps is too much food, especially because my office work is so sedentary. I need to cut it down to one wrap and consider eating another protein bar at around 2.30pm.

After those wraps, I will eat 4x Hi-Chews, which is my small fix of sugar, before I try and cold turkey it, to 1830, where-upon I normally try to hit the gym for at least 1 hour, before heading home and eating my dinner at 2000.

Then from 2000 to 0100, I try not to eat anything or drink anything. Its nothing but water till I go to bed.

One of the extra things I’ve been trying to add in, is using my standing desk more after lunch. I feel like it helps not to sit down after lunch and properly digest.

Looking at my daily routine as a whole, it’s obvious what I need to fix now. But I still want to collate the data.

The 4 keys to weight loss has always been …. calorie deficit, good sleep, maximising protein and regular exercise.

I can sense that I’m not working on all four of those things. I’m not reducing my calorie intake in relation to the amount of exercise I do. I think one hour in the gym isn’t going to cut it. I feel like I need to do more.

This means I need to use my standing desk at least 3x a day, for a minimum of 3 hours in a day. A good number to aim for in terms of steps, is 7000 to 10,000. I need to stick to a strict regime of activating my standing desk more frequently and thus forcing me to actually take small steps to get to that daily step count.

The next biggest thing is reducing the number of wraps I eat and swapping it out for another protein bar. I think my morning protein bar at around 1030am is good. Lunch at 1200 and then another bar at 1500. I shall take photos of all my food and add them to a calorie tracker.

This also helps remind me to stand after I consume any food and regulate this habit in.

I also desperately need to fix my sleep. I need to aim for 0030 or 0100 latest. Even if its just crawling into bed and relaxing there, I think it’s better than sitting at my computer, playing games or typing away.

Reduce my screen time, thus create better sleep.

The final thing, maximising protein is the step I am least eager to take. I’m not very big into gym culture and can’t see myself huffing down protein powder.

That said, I need to do something to create some actual change in my weight, otherwise it’ll have been a month with no progress.

And I can’t think of anything more depressing than that.

Still, I’ve created this game plan. Eat, stand, move.

Let’s hope next’s week DA is more positive.

~Damocles.

Weight: 86kgs

That dreaded number.

It means a whole lot of things: body dysmorphia, a feeling of being overweight, a view of an unsightly belly, the insecurity that comes with having something ugly, the constant looking down and sense of disappointment … and most crucially, the loud mental warning sign that screams at me …. “You’re unhealthy. Do something.”

But this number didn’t come about from just unhealthy eating habits. It comes from a lack of discipline in all aspects of my life.

I haven’t been sleeping well

I haven’t been getting ahead of the life admin that I need to do.

I haven’t been properly tracking all my budgets.

I’ve not been paying real attention to my partner and addressing the small and large issues between us.

I’ve been eating poorly, over-eating to compensate for stress and to find some kind of joy in food, because I can’t seem to find it anywhere else.

When I stepped on the scale a week ago … it said 87kgs.

It horrified me. It shook me to my core. I had been a stable 85 for months now, but now, it was getting out of control. My body was sluggish, unmotivated to move, my natural athleticism which I had been using as a crutch to cling onto some kind of “healthiness” was starting to fade slightly.

I can feel an ache here and there after I exercise, and my baseball swing, once so pure and smooth, felt stiff and clumsy.

I didn’t get fat because I was eating like a pig. I got fat, because I lost sight of what I’m doing, and why I am motivated to stick to a routine.

So it begs the question …. what am I doing all of this for?

Why do I wake up every day, why am I working at my job? What life am I trying to achieve that enables my work and my routine?

I don’t need the cookie-cutter answer of “do it for yourself, make yourself healthy!” That shit has never worked. All my life, whenever I told myself that, I simply lacked the motivation to continue. In fact, within 3 weeks, I would relapse and return to being a lazy, fat schmuck.

Self-improvement, to me is a lie.

Duty is everything.

If I have an external goal, the motivation will come. The discipline will be instilled. The body will move forward despite the wind hitting it. I will grit my teeth and overcome the obstacles in my way.

I will challenge any storm, if it means I have something I want to accomplish.

Previously, when it came to the B30 challenge, I was obsessed with racing. I played tennis every day, ran laps around a garden and threw myself into a punishing exercise regime and strict boring diet that help me become more lean. I was desperate to get down to 70kgs and be as lean as possible, so that I was hitting the minimum driver weight.

But that motivation has died, when I realised that I couldn’t afford to become a racer. My dream of turning my crappy little Corolla into a Rallycross car died out. I’m no longer as invested in racing as I used to be.

So what is fuelling my possessive desire at the moment?

It’s vanity.

I hate what I see in the mirror. My skin isn’t clear, my jawline is noticeably wider, my stomach protrudes out too much, my arms don’t look strong and there is a clear sign that I’m neglecting myself.

But this is just a temporary fix. Vanity isn’t going to make me commit to exercising and dieting every day. I need something more. What it is yet, I can’t seem to find it.

Nor am I going to find it at 2am in the morning.

So vanity has to do for now.

Vanity and the classic public shaming. The fear of being judged by everyone.

Those will just have to do until I find the real reason to keep pushing.

It’s time for weekly progress reports and learning to dread looking at the scale every Monday.

That damn, pink We Bare Bears electronic scale, where a panda with a goofy face, tells me that I’m overweight, ugly and lazy.

Life is just like that sometimes. When you’re faced with endless mockery, you just got to lace your boots up, glare back and out of spite, move, so that you can flip them off better from afar.

My end goal is 74kgs, which is where my body seems happiest and at its most lean, without sacrificing too much of my life and making my culinary journeys bland and boring.

That is a grand total of 12kgs to shed. Not an easy feat and I know that a lot of things need to change to achieve it.

Starting with proper sleep and a strict adherence to a minimum of 7 hours.

Fix those variables Damocles.

Sleep. Food. Exercise.

But most importantly don’t forget: Motivation.

Find it.

Talk to you at the next defamatory disciplinary action (DA).

~ Damocles.

Tag: weight-loss

Disciplinary Action – Week 3 (21/7/25)

Disciplinary Action – Week 1 (7/7/25)