How’s the game going?
Longest hour of my life
WHAT?
I’m running away with your wife!
Great!
When I think about movie stars, I always think about the movie Ocean’s 11.
It’s one of the coolest, the slickest and effortless remakes ever made. Starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt at the height of their power, and career, this was a movie that my mother introduced me to when I was young.
The duality of Brad and George … one flashy, the other demure, was impeccable, yet like the concept of ying and yang, they completed each other. The suits, the setting, the heist crew around them …. even the dialogue was all effortlessly cool. They finished each other sentences like a married couple, knew what to say, when to say it and had a rapport that could only be established by years of friendship and challenging circumstances.
Now, it’s only Brad Pitt who continues to ooze on-screen charisma. George Clooney has faded away into happy marital bliss that can only be accompanied by a villa on Lake Como.
It only occurred to me recently, when I was watching the latest F1 movie trailer, that in my eyes, Brad Pitt was still cool.
At the advanced age of 61, he is still oozing charisma. So much so that despite having a younger co-star in Damson Idris, I felt Pitt’s screen presence far more than anyone else in that trailer.
Which led me to the question about what is charisma and how does a man maintain it?
I mentioned martial bliss earlier because ever since Clooney got married, he has slowly receded away from the film world. He is busy being a humanitarian, a father and a husband.
Pitt though, after his very messy split with Angelina Jolie, has found a resurgence in his career. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Bullet Train, and now F1, are all very successful movies that seems to tap into this never-ending appeal behind the man.
As controversial as this sounds, I sometimes wonder if having a partner is what causes men to lose their charisma.
The age-old adage about athletes losing performance once they get married or have children seems to be vaguely true. I think about one of my tennis idols, Rafael Nadal, who only recently had a child with his wife, after he was on the verge of quitting the sport. Did he put things off, to avoid this myth?
I look at a similar movie star, arguably the last of his kind, Tom Cruise. He has never married since his divorce with Katie Holmes, and has had an incredible run of movies since then. Edge of Tomorrow, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Fallout, Top Gun Maverick … these are all blockbusters that speak to Cruise’s screen presence. You only had to watch Top Gun Maverick once, to still think that Cruise rocking a jumpsuit and Ray Bans Aviators was cool.
Much cooler than all the young stars in that film, who despite having better bodies, flashier looks, pale in comparison to the ethereal aura around Cruise.
To add onto my argument, there is always that old saying that the partners themselves say wistfully: You’re not the same guy that I fell in love with.
I’ve heard that recently and I also wondered what happened. My life before my girlfriend was one of endless pursuits. I was buying new clothes with reckless abandon. I was rigorous in my exercise, constantly playing tennis no matter the circumstances. My diet was strict, and I was writing with crazy zeal, trying to stave away my boredom in my retail job with wild stories and personal reflection.
In other words, I could just focus on myself and work constantly at improving every single bit of my life.
I felt like my charisma was at its peak back then. It had to be, otherwise there was no way in hell I was going to impress my girlfriend.
So, what is it then that caused me to lose some of my charisma?
I definitely don’t blame my girlfriend. What I do blame is the poor time management.
Because for every example I put up there, about these “single” men living their best lives, there are also extremely magnetic male examples who are happily married. I think about someone like Samuel L Jackson, Denzel Washington and to offer up a tennis example, Roger Federer.
These men have been married longer than I’ve been in my relationship and are highly successful and possess just as much aura.
This is why I look at my time management as the real problem. My girlfriend isn’t controlling me, she isn’t hanging onto everything I do, every hour of the day. It’s what I choose to do with my time that is the problem.
I can still restrict my diet. I can still look at new clothes, enjoy tennis and be as interesting as I was, before I met her.
I just got lazy.
That’s the real problem. Complacency.
It’s a common issue amongst all couples. You stop trying. You stop trying to be their best friend, the best version of you because you think that just because you got a life together, it means that you can just sit back on your laurels and relax.
And by the time you realise that you’ve been lazy …. either you’ve lost interest in keeping the relationship alive, or the other side has.
This is why lately, I’ve been trying to carve more time for myself. I need a day where I can just focus on myself without any distractions. This allows me to plan forwards, get ahead of whatever life has in store and beat it to the punch before it hits me.
And it seems to be working.
I got more energy to write. I’m more focused on exercising. I feel more in control of what my life is about.
All of this is feeding my confidence and thus making me more charismatic.
At the end of the day, charisma I think comes in many different shapes and forms, depending on the person you are. When your needs are met, when you feel like you are in control of all the variables …. your confidence will soar and thus your aura.
I believe that deep down, charisma is derived from confidence and your interests. If you are good at what you do and aren’t afraid of what life can throw at you, that you can take a punch and keep moving, that you can laugh at yourself … you’re going to be the most charismatic person in your circle.
And that is what you’ll be attractive, no matter what you look like.
Because you know your worth.
~ Damocles.
Damocles' Journal 