Half-Baked (1998)
INT. RETAIL STORE – MID AFTERNOON.
A struggling franchise store, in a quiet shopping centre. It’s well lit, bright and features items you would see in a $2 shop, only slightly upmarket.
It’s Asiatic themed, and neat, tidy and well organised. It’s a store you see once, explore once and forget the moment you walk out. Despite it’s blandness, there are customers milling around.
At the register is WORKER. Average height, build and looks, he is bored and tired. Eager to go on lunch break. He stares aimlessly at customers, and shakes his head to respond to queries, too lethargic to open his mouth.
EXT. SHOPPING CENTRE
A couple storms through the empty centre. Mid-50s, belligerent and stubborn, the WOMAN is pulling the man along, her hand gripping tightly onto the RETAIL STORE’s bag. The MAN has a supportive expression. Of the pair, the MAN is clearly the meeker one.
INT. RETAIL STORE.
WOMAN
Excuse me. Hello?
WORKER
Hi, welcome to …
WOMAN
Look, so I bought this a while ago.
The WOMAN hoists the bag onto the counter in haste. She pulls it open to reveal a humidifier.
WOMAN
However it has stopped working. I’ve tried everything but just stopped.
WORKER
So …
WOMAN
Soo …. I want a refund.
WORKER
Do you have a receipt for this item?
WOMAN
Here.
The receipt is faded and barely legible. The only visible part of it is the logo at the top. No date. No record of the item.
Worse, the Worker hasn’t seen the item in over a year. Making it ineligible for a refund. He is, hungry, bored and tired. Vindictiveness and passive-aggressiveness is now his standard solution to these type of customers.
WORKER
I’m sorry Ma’am, but I cannot give you a refund.
WOMAN
Why not?
WORKER
Because this receipt it too faded.
WOMAN
It’s not my fault that your receipts fade quickly. I bought this humidifier, and that’s the receipt that came with it!
WORKER
There is no date on this receipt. Do you remember exactly when you bought it?
WOMAN
I do’t know. Like a couple of months ago?
The Woman looks back at the Man indignantly.
MAN
Yeah … a couple of months ago, for sure.
WORKER
Are you sure about that? Because I have not seen this item on our shelves in over a year. How did you get this item, if it has been out of stock for nearly a year?
WOMAN
No, no, no. I bought this from your store a couple of months ago.
WORKER
That seems very unlikely.
WOMAN
Unlikely? Excuse me?
WORKER
As I said, we haven’t had this item in over a year. I am quite aware of what is on our shelves.
WOMAN
Where’s your manager?
WORKER
I am the manager.
WOMAN
Oh you are? Well I have to say your customer service needs a lot of work. So are you going to offer me a refund or exchange or not?
WORKER
I’m afraid I cannot offer you a refund or an exchange.
WOMAN
This is unacceptable! I bought the receipt, and the item is broken.
WORKER
Both the receipt and the item have gone past our warranty policy. I’m sorry but I cannot offer you a refund.
WOMAN
What is your name!?
The Worker pauses before answering. He decides to give a fake name.
WORKER
Ben Over.
WOMAN
What was that?
WORKER
Benjamin … Over.
WOMAN
Well Ben. I will be taking this up with centre management and your company. I want your company email address. This has been a disgrace. I will never shop here again.
The Worker scribbles nonsense onto a receipt page. He is clearly enjoying himself too much.
WORKER
There you are.
WOMAN
This is pathetic. I can’t read this.
WORKER
I can.
The Woman brings her husband over. She wants support. She won’t get it.
WOMAN
Can you read this?
MAN
Yeah I think I can.
The Woman sighs. Her husband is useless.
WOMAN
FINE. FINE. Thank you. You’re going to hear a lot from me soon. Ben.
WORKER
Okay. Thanks for coming by.
WOMAN
URGH.
The Worker watches as the couple disappear. Shaking his head, he smiles to himself and goes back to being bored.
Author’s Note
Inspired by numerous retail experiences.
~ Damocles.
Damocles' Journal 