FIT Lvls: BMI 27.4 // 83kgs

Work is not fulfilling and I’m eager to quit.

The past couple of weeks have been taken over by a lot of chaotic issues. Primarily, the chaos around employment … my initial and slow decision to truly get back into job-hunting. It has taken me too long to come to this conclusion that I was not fulfilled by my current job at Messina.

It’s back to that old adage that I have stated so many times on this blog. My brain is rusting away in my job. I haven’t truly found a job that tax my mental capacities to its limit and now it’s back to job hunting.

But at the same time, I’m also looking at things in a new light. Yes, I have a lot of down time, yes, this job isn’t pushing me, but …. I have a lot of breathing room to do things whilst being paid. I can use my working hours to do things that I’ve always wanted to do.

My boss herself, literally told me …. “I know you are not being kept very busy, but live your best life whilst being paid.”

I took that line to heart. Because now, when things are finally stable, my routine is now more manageable and most importantly … I can truly establish and remove the thorn in the side of my desired work-life balance.

What this has resulted in is … a happier relationship with my partner.

More time to exercise.

Less stress in my daily life.

An actual moment in my life where I can wrestle control and truly focus on the things I want to.

It feels so amazing to actually commit to an exercise routine, to know that Mondays, Wednesday and a Weekender is dedicated to physical health. This has in turn alleviated my mental strain and boosted my confidence. I’m now able to actually write, destress with some time set aside for gaming, my hobbies, and actual start reading again.

I’m speaking from a position of privilege. I’m sure thousands of people would love to get paid to do nothing but their interests, so I’m not taking this for granted. This is just a temporary reprieve, a calm moment in time where I can actually focus on me and get paid doing so.

I can take more Fed Square shifts, dedicate hours to reading, tune in to youtube and learn more geopolitics, and destress from everything with a gaming session that helps me reset for the week.

It took me a while to get to this point, but the struggle was worth it. I know I put in a lot of time and effort to get this work-life balance in my favour, and so I’m going to actually sit back and reap the awards while I can.

Sometimes life isn’t all about work and I need to take advantage of this moment to really focus on other things that will make me happy.

This moment reminds me of my yesteryears, where I had so much energy to do all the things I wanted, because I had the time. I could hang out with my friends more, devote myself to a rigorous exercise routine and just develop myself more as a person.

Only this time, I got the love of a girl that I truly adore and she is pushing me just as hard as I am.

Life is good at the moment. There’s no denying that. I’m so much calmer, so much more relaxed and happier. I can do the things I want and get paid.

It truly doesn’t get better than this and for once, on Consul’s Records … I just want to say I’m happy with where I am at.

Yes, things could be better, but right now … I’m cruising and there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

~ Damocles.

FIT Lvls – BMI 28.1// 85kgs

The damn eyelid has been twitching like crazy this week.

Messina has become this inferno and I feel like I’ve become a fireman, desperately trying to beat back the flames. It’s unrelenting just how often things go wrong and I always feel like I’m being reactive instead of proactive.

In other words, the flames are licking at my feet and the damn hose I’m using it’s pumping out water fast enough.

It doesn’t help that for the first time in my life, I’ve truly felt my insecurities blossom up. They’re bubbling up so frequently that I’m wondering what the hell is going on. My confidence has waned and I’m not quite sure what is going on with me mentally. The past few weeks of struggle regarding my health hasn’t helped the quiet anxiety that has been etching away at the granite that was my confidence.

As I was talking to my partner about the struggles of work, it was then I realised the gravity of my situation.

An epiphany hit me like a truck.

It’s not like I wasn’t happy working full time, or in a hospitality field that included events … it was the fact that I knew, deep down, I had fallen into another rut.

For some reason, I seem cursed to constantly land jobs that cause me to rust away inside. They are dead-end jobs, jobs that don’t have clear ladders, futures or something over the horizon. They are jobs that expect me to be happy, knowing that my brain is not being stretched to its full capacity.

They are positions that will become routine and deathly boring. I can’t climb, I can’t exercise and I can’t think.

Just like the retail stint before. Or the menial hospitality jobs. Or the mind-numbing air-con factory work.

I

Hate

This

Feeling.

It’s what causes me to break mentally. I can sense it.

Whenever I come to this realisation about my job, an stark, clear image always burns itself onto my mind.

The picture of a medieval sword, rust all along its once shiny blade. The knight goes to draw, but the weapon becomes stuck in the scabbard and he is struck down, because the blade was ill-maintained.

And the picture terrifies me. I hate seeing it, because I can see my reflection along the blade. I have no desire to become a rusty sword, and suddenly I feel myself bucking around internally like a wild horse, eager to escape it’s stable.

There have been too many big revelations in the past few weeks. Things have gotten way too heavy and it’s time to shed some weight. I’ve come to term about my current health and am currently working hard to fix the diet and make more time to exercise. It doesn’t matter if I do my super-set/circuit twice a week. What matters is that I move, I do it often and I try to burn as much as possible.

It’s time to pick another day where I will always exercise. Currently, Mondays are the days I do my circuit training, but it’s time to add another day of the week and commit to it hard.

The other realisation that I’ve hit in this blog just now, is about the nature of my job. Yes, it’s shit. Yes, it’s unpredictable, chaotic, stress-inducing and all consuming.

But … that is the hand I’ve been dealt with. There is no point in bitching about it now.

Mentally, I’ve complained enough. It’s counter-intuitive, it’s counter-productive and it’s counter-revolutionary. I was bought in to shake up, redesign and establish myself in this job and I’ve failed to do so.

All because I kept getting hung up over the smallest of issues. That my life was being dictated by work and its event schedule.

It’s time for me to acknowledge that fact and learn to work around it. It doesn’t matter if its the morning, the afternoon, the evening or zero dark thirty … I’ve got to make the most of my day and that means getting away from the computer, more onto books, more into exercise and more into friends.

Sure it sucks, but if I want to be any semblance of the man I can be, I’ve got to embrace this suck. Things will start to look up, the moment I focus more on the things I can control and be OK with the things I can’t.

I’ve also got to discover if I truly have a future in Messina, whether they will actually let me grow or whether this is it.

If this is all there is to my life for the foreseeable future … I’m out. I refuse to settle for this, when I know deep down, my potential is yet to be fully unlocked.

But if there is something ahead for me in this company, then I shall ride out this wave and find myself on a beach that will promise me something greater than what I am doing now.

Until that happens though … I’ve got to put my head down, focus and stop making little mistakes that chip away at my credibility and my ego.

Rebuilding starts now and the moment I feel the urge to exercise, it’s time to pick up the plate carrier and go to work.

The sword of Damocles needs some restoration and that will only come with proper work and care.

Embrace the suck and remember …. ex nihilo nihil fit.

Nothing comes from nothing.

~ Damocles.

FIT Lvls – BMI 27.7 // 84kgs

Recently, stress is ruling my headspace and it’s highly concerning.

If I had to list all the issues causing me stress at the moment it would be in this order

1. Finances
2. Finances
3. Finances
4. Physical Health
5. Work
6. Diet
7. Sleep

Out of all of them, you can see which one is causing me the most anxiety. Money, the root of all evil they claim. The paper that has plagued humanity since the 7th Century China. The reason why my physical health has taken a hit. The reason why I’ve seen the doctor twice now, booked myself in for a neurologist session, seen an optometrist and searched WebMD far too much.

Recently, I’ve begun to self diagnose myself with a lot of things. I can feel something creep into my mind like a virus. A brain-worm called fear. Fear of losing my partner due to my lack of finances. Fear of opening the bank app to see the debt that has accumulated and has consumed my life choices. Fear of being unable to make enough money to achieve my dreams. Fear of missing out on important occasions. Fear of being unable to buy the things I want. Fear of being unable to afford to eat properly.

Fear of the Australian Taxation Office.

As I’m sitting here, writing this, listening to the Batman soundtrack, Can’t Fight City Halloween, I’m reminded that even the Joker is afraid of the IRS. The ATO has reminded me that taxation is quite obviously one of the biggest contributors to my anxiety ever devised. The sum I owe is astronomical. It’s due within two months and has forced me to completely revamp the way I live my life.

I’m now splitting my weekly paycheck in half to ensure I try and get close to the total before the deadline and I thought I could get away with committing to a payment plan, but the ATO’s interest rate is absolutely criminal. So instead of committing to that flawed plan, I’m scrambling every dollar I have to clear this debt.

How my money has spiralled so far out of control is honestly, the final wake-up call for me to get my shit together. The new job has actually given me a massive 500 dollar pay cut and has created a mind worm that won’t shut up.

The call of work is persistently nagging away at my mind now. Where once, the beauty of work at Fed Square and Melbourne Showgrounds ended the moment I left the venue, now I am constantly bombarded with calls, texts and new updates that stresses me out. They don’t arrive during normal hours either. Sometimes they hit at 7am, 4pm, or once at 11pm. It’s all horrifically stress inducing.

Throw in constant new last minute changes, additions and cancellations and the unpredictability is disturbing.

Sometimes an event for Messina will appear with only 4 days to spare and it’s just shit dealing with it. I hate it when things randomly add an extra stress element that is unnecessary. I’ve become accustomed to preparing things well in advance so that the execution of the plan is smooth and flawless. When my manager gives me random additional stress, it places a huge strain on myself, my colleagues and throws a bad look on my professionalism.

I don’t look proactive, instead I’m reactive.

The exact opposite of what I thought this job was going to be. I thought, being full time at Messina, would herald a new chapter in my life.

Instead, it has stripped me of an additional 500 dollars, given me health issues, destroyed my physical fitness further, created more uncertainty, caused more friction in my relationship and cost me valuable time.

My roster is only ever known a week in advance.

This

Fucking.

Sucks.

I can’t plan my life in advance, nor can I actually put aside time to breathe and get some much needed mental breaks. Instead I’m constantly on edge, not sure what days I can see my girlfriend, what days I can put aside for exercise and what days I can hang out with friends.

Instead, now I’m cancelling more often, I’m arriving late to scheduled meetings and I lack a lot of willpower to get up in the morning or go to bed.

This week has pushed me to an important realisation.

I have to manage my time wisely and enforce rules. I can’t be slacking off on working out or being healthy.

Because I’m not the immortal twenty-something that I was of yester-years. Instead it takes me longer to lose weight and if I continue down the bad path of not sleeping well, not eating right, not maintaining a rigorous exercise regime, it will only get tougher for me in the later years.

I have to look after myself more. Sleep earlier. Eat simpler meals, because my body can’t process things as easily. Exercise more regularly and come to grips with the fact that … I’m older now.

It doesn’t mean I can’t be in good shape or anything stupidly defeatist but it does mean … I have to come to grips with the reality of being old.

After all, it was only two thousands years ago, that the average human life expectancy was approximately around my age.

Mortality is really the big theme I’m going for here. A reflection on my health and how my systems are not quite as durable as they once were. Stress hits me harder now. Exercising hurts more. Fat builds up quicker.

I need to course correct now.

Simple as that.

And that is why the little embarrassing BMI tracker is at the top …. it’s a brutal reminder to course correct.

Because if I can’t look after myself … I can’t look after others.

~ Damocles

Lvls – BMI 28.1 // 85kgs

The past week has been one of unrivalled excess.

Too much food, too much dancing and too much cake. It has completely destroyed my weight loss over the past week, and I can feel myself getting hungrier instead of actually learning to lean down my diet.

This is obviously not good. But like any setbacks, it’s how you deal with it that matters the most and fortunately, even though my body has gained weight again, my motivation to lose it hasn’t lost any of its edge.

I still plan on exercising just as hard and really weaning down the amount of food I eat. This is just a minor setback and I know I will lose it again soon.

But to really discuss what happened last week, it was fun. The wedding, held by one of my long time friends, was a beautiful moment, even though I felt sad that I couldn’t attend the entire thing, because I had work earlier that day.

However, the reception itself was amazing. It was clearly an expensive venue with plenty of space for dancing, custom floors, a beautiful white theme that was accentuated by huge centrepieces and candles. My friend and her husband clearly spent a lot of time and thought into the decor and it was indeed a beautiful moment in time. The music was fun, the food was amazing even though it was definitely too much and overall I had a really good time, chatting with my friends and my partner.

Speaking of my partner, she looked amazing in her dress and style. It was such a new thing to see her in curls properly, by my side and literally looking like my better half. I thought we looked really good together and from what I could tell from the general looks coming our way, it seemed like I wasn’t too far off in thinking that.

Nothing makes me happier to be honest. I love her so much and it’s still a beautiful thing to see that our chemistry is so strong that people can sense it from afar.

I’m still really deeply in love with her and I don’t think that will ever change. If anything, the wedding we attended that night proved to me that I really want to create the same magic with her again in the future.

In other news, I also visited the doctor for a series of frequent headaches that I’ve been slammed with recently. It’s been a long battle for about 6 weeks, constantly trying to relax and calm myself down. Apparently the cause is due to too much tension in my head and I’ve been actively working to relax my muscles so that it calms down.

It’s been an annoying thorn in my side, but thankfully a few days ago, I finally got the headaches to calm down, without any medication needed. By relaxing my neck muscles and allowing the blood flow to course through without too much speed, it actually helps me avoid the headaches.

Which is a huge relief, because for the past month, these headaches have been a massive concern and I was petrified I was developing something more serious.

But so far, it’s looking OK and I plan on revisiting the doctors in about 2 weeks to make sure everything is still OK.

Whilst last week has been a hectic rollercoaster, it’s time to get back into a routine and really start working on my goals again.

It’s time to reset.

Redo.

Routine.

~ Damocles.

FIT Lvls – BMI 27.7 // 84kgs

The dieting mindset is starting to kick in and exercise is now following suit.

I know I am in a good place mentally when I feel like my day is incomplete without some form of exercise. Whether it is skipping, push-ups, kettlebells or just a run, I’m starting to zone in on my fitness. There is an inherent primal satisfaction when I look down at how much I’ve managed to push myself.

But the more crucial thing here is … habit building.

Just like I promised myself and my partner at the beginning of the year, 2024 is all about establishing positive routines, habits and rituals that will aid in my mental acumen and physical growth. Writing this Consul’s Record every week is a good habit to ensure I get to reflect on what has happened and what lessons I need to remember. It also allows me to write more, a habit I need to keep until I am no longer able to type and just remind myself how fun it is to actually engage in something creative.

Even if it is just writing down my thoughts.

Last week, work was very manageable. I got a new co-worker who will ensure my life is easier as the manager of events for Gelato Messina. He is from Europe, a well-travelled Muslim man and soon to be husband. So far, he and I get along just great and I’m very relieved to know that he has a solid head and that he and I have similar views to work … get it done, fast and efficiently and call it there. Don’t be lazy, don’t be slow, just do everything as quickly as possible, ensure everything gets done, stay until the bell, but if there is nothing to do … play truant.

Event work can be the biggest hack, if you are a screwed on operator and I’m very thankful my new colleague is one of those kind of workers.

My manager has also arrived back and it’s fun to see her actually get excited. I could sense her burn-out near the end of the year, but it seems a long holiday in Europe, with her friends and peers, has managed to revitalise her. All in all, work seems to look really positive, with new and old colleagues actually smiling at work, my wishlist of equipment being largely fulfilled and I’ve really done my best to integrate into the existing structure seamlessly.

Aside from work, my health is looking better. I’m not sure where I lost two kilograms, but my conscientious decision to cut back on the amount of food and a more structured weekly exercise regime is clearly paying off. I really like knowing that I can lose weight and that positive feedback is now fuelling my desire to lose even more. It’s like an addicting, exciting game and I’m really keen to see myself at my target of 74kgs within a few months.

Yes, it is boring eating the same food almost every time, but it is immensely assisting me with my finances and diet, and like I’ve always told myself … everything comes at a cost and if looking and feeling good is the end product of boring lunches and restrictive dinners, so be it. I’m in my 30s now … taking care of myself is critical for how I will face my 40s and beyond.

Speaking of health, I’ve had a strange revelation recently, from one of my partner’s friends. It served as a wake-up call and a reminder that I need to prioritise my friends and family more. The timing of it too, was so strange, as I had just finished listening to the Shawn Ryan Show’s podcast episode, featuring Christian Craighead, the 22nd SAS trooper of Obi-Wan Nairobi fame, in which he detailed a similar revelation about life, how people move through it and the importance of always ending every conversation on a positive tone.

It was a sobering reminder, and I instantly reverted to cold, morbid humour to cope. It’s always interesting seeing how I react to such news and I am always shocked at my automatic decision to resort to dark humour. Whether it’s my upbringing where I was typically exposed to stiff British upper-lip attitudes in my media (Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python etc) or the fact that I was probably too immersed in trying to be a cynical detective out of a Raymond Chandler noir book/film, I noticed that this attitude to dark news, is ingrained in me now.

However, moving past that dark observation about myself, when I heard the news, I’m just reminded of how much stuff I want to achieve.

And that motivation is still going strong even now.

Last week was definitely a motivational one. A push to do better, to be stronger, tougher, fitter, smarter and more financially well off.

It’s been a good start to the year so far, and I want to keep that direction going.

Ain’t no quitting now.

~ Damocles.

FIT Lvls – BMI 28.4 // 86kgs

One week into the new year and I’m sick with COVID.

Luckily it’s a very mild case and I’m barely showing any symptoms beyond a slight fever and a very sore throat. But even in that instance, the coughing fits have been mild and I’m not bed ridden like I was a few years ago, when I got it properly.

Perhaps the most annoying aspect is the fact that I’ve been cooped up in my room for the past 3 days and it’s definitely not a very enjoyable sick holiday off from work. With very little fresh air, room to exercise … I look forwards to the fleeting moments where I am allowed to shower and home cook.

Home cooking … that is something I’ve missed a lot. A subtle resolution this year is to expand on the dishes I feel comfortable making, and I really had the opportunity to do that this week.

I even snuck out to do some grocery shopping, and bought home some key essentials to really have fun in the kitchen.

There are so many things I know I would change or have on standby every single week when I finally move out. Things like chopped garlic, bigger chopping boards, bigger kitchen benches, certain oils in the pantry … they only come when you spend a lot of time in the kitchen and really find out what you dislike and like doing on the regular.

So many recipes I’ve made, whether they be Italian, Japanese or Chinese, need an almost mythical amount of garlic. In many ways, I would love a small vegetable patch in my future home, where I can grow these essentials out the back whenever I need them.

Not only is it fresh, it’s also more sustainable and economically more feasible and will instil a greater appreciation for the ingredients I use.

In a lot of ways, home cooking reminds me of an exciting learning environment. You get to experiment, understand basic rules, discover new flavours and feel pride when you make something extremely edible. It’s such a fun journey to embark on once you start and the sense of accomplishment when you finish at the end is always amazing and sometimes very bittersweet.

But beyond expanding my repertoire of recipes (I’ve made pesto for the first time, drunken noodles and experimented with new techniques for fried rice), this quarantine has given me a bit of time to write at home which is also very nice.

I do miss days like this, where I had all day to really fulfill all my lazy desires, but I don’t want them to come often. It feels like I haven’t worked hard enough to earn this random respite and I really want to get back into things properly, so that I have good habits and routines.

This is an abnormality and needs to be treated as such.

So, in spite of catching COVID, there have been no significant developments this week. A lot more work needs to be done in my new role and I’m looking forwards to establishing a proper rhythm soon, so that I can focus more on other things like my hobbies, my partner and my writing.

I want to draft a film noir script this year and once work has settled properly, I think I’ll have time to start it.

Let’s see how next week fare.

~ Damocles.

FIT Lvls – BMI 28.4 // 86kgs

It’s a new year, so it’s time to turn up a new gear.

Let’s start by listing some classic New Year Resolutions for 2024.

1. Lose some weight. The happy weight is no longer an adorable feature. It is now a genuine problem. Aesthetically anyway.
2. Start integrating my partner more into my wider circle of friends
3. Maintain a disciplined financial plan
4. Start reconnecting with friends and actually plan out proper days
5. Continue to balance work and life

It all sounds pretty basic, but as I noticed a long time ago when studying Special Forces operators, the secret to success lies with discipline and mastery of the basics.

The key difference between a regular U.S. Army grunt and a U.S. Army Ranger, is distilled down to a single fact …. the Ranger has the basics of infantry warfare nailed down to a capital I.

2024 is the year where I start looking at the Dragon that rules the year and praying to her to really put some long-lasting, healthy habits and routines that will do me good in the future. The theme and key word of the year is discipline and whilst it may sound corny, there is a hell of lot personal motivation for me to stick to that.

Because I no longer have any excuses. I can no longer blame work, nor my circumstances. It’s time to get off my arse and actually put in some work.

Working out once a day for an hour is not a big ask. Nor is dieting. Controlling what I eat is 70% of the fight when it comes to addressing the first resolution. Stick to small meals, drink more water and just cut out the damn snacks. Three simple steps that are difficult to follow in the foodie heaven that is Melbourne but still that is the point of the game. Stick to the rules, ignore the temptations and get out of the traps I’ve laid myself into.

The next resolution is an evolution of my relationship. My partner and I have very different friend circles, with various personalities and stages of their lives. That is just the reality of having met each other in very different circumstances and with no prior contact at all.

But there is a reason why our bond is so strong, and it is because we have such similar personalities, outlooks and drives. So it makes sense that our friends would appreciate the other for the same qualities. Our goal is to have a “friendmas” at the end of the year and not have it be awkward. In addition to that, just being able to go on more dates where we have our friends, instead of just us, is a definite positive. It opens up more activities and better memories.

Finance. My Achilles heel. I’m a spender not a saver. But they say clarity is something you get when you can, not when it is convenient, and since I am so much older and with bigger dreams than my short-term fun, it is time to put money aside every single time I am getting paid. A goal that I have started very late last year in 2023, but 2024 will prove whether I truly have what it takes to be a disciplined human being.

Curbing the reckless expenditure, coming to terms with missing out on some truly special collectibles from Lego and not buying random clothes whenever I feel the urge to get something new are all key restraints that need to be addressed in 2024. It’s a mental game, just like so many other things, and part of being strong is to understand I do not need everything I see in the world.

I need to understand the value of items better and that value is weighed by emotion and monetary cost.

Another key problem I identified last year was my lack of engagement with my friends. Whilst I can bitch, whinge and moan about how hectic my life is, the simple matter of the fact is … I got lazy and started to neglect them. It’s time to change that and actually put some effort and time in going out, spending time with my friends and actually catching up with their lives. After all, I’m nothing without my friends and it’s crucial that I don’t lose them, because … I got lazy.

What a stupid excuse.

Time to step it up.

The final resolution is probably the longest and oldest problem in the world. Balance your partner, work, hobbies, self-care and friends.

To be honest, it’s about separating days in a week and really planning them ahead, on a molecular level. Split them apart into an hourly basis and start prioritising elements that can combine both or the more crucial element. Which means my calendar management needs to be on-fucking-point.

It’s time to put aside some time in the week to plan my week ahead and reach out to my friends, my partner and my work to see what I can do to balance everything.

Whilst I’ve made a lot of logical and sensible plans for all these resolutions, talk is cheap. Action means a lot more and this weekly reflection is a means for me to actually track my progress.

I’ll be adding a simple fitness check on the top of the post now, to really pressure me into disciplining myself.

It’s time to awaken the sleeping dragon and really instil some discipline into my life.

This is now the start of my D24 challenge. The Damocles 24 challenge.

Let’s go.

~ Damocles.

Discipline … the one thing I’ve always struggled with.

I always struggled to pinpoint why I’ve always lacked discipline. For all accounts, when I had it for a year, I was the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been.

I had the time to exercise, to go out, to balance work and pleasure and even to diet … it was all highly regimental and focused. I made sure I exercised every day, to eat a light meal and really push my body.

This golden period only lasted for a year before I jumped feet first into the world of events.

Ever since then, I’ve been praying and hoping that I find some kind of rhythm to settle down into. But that has eluded me.

Which means that I honestly need to re-evaluate getting up in the morning now to fit in something. Whether it will be writing, exercising, practising shooting with my guns, cooking or reading …. I need to maximise my time awake.

If my schedule really is as hectic as it seems, where I don’t seem to have regular work hours or days even, then I got to make time.

But where do I find the motivation? That is always the hardest part. It’s so easy to claim that I just need to put an hour aside for exercise, but whether I’ll actually do it, is an entirely different matter.

The same goes for dieting. If I am to lose some of the belly I’ve gained over the past year, how do I do that? I’m always out, in another location, without access to microwaves or implements.

The answer is obvious …. cooking cold meals. Kimbaps, pesto pastas, soba noodles, club sandwiches, salads … the options are there, they just don’t appeal to me as I want them to.

But these are general issues that I should have resolved ages ago. How about the past week?

As usual, Messina has proven itself to be a difficult workplace to figure out. The higher ups have an idea what they want me to be, but practically speaking, I’m just another convenient tough casual for them to abuse.

Sink or swim motherfucker.

That was the general vibe I’ve been getting since I signed up for the job. Zero inductions, constant random loans, fluctuating work hours, short notice, no proper SOPs in place ….

I was given an apron, a tea-towel, a uniform and told to find my way up the metaphorical Messina equivalent of Brecon Beacons.

I’ve survived, but I’m not happy. Along the way, there have been fights, a whole lot of confusion and just a lot of damn inefficiency. It’s upended my personal life and drained my bank accounts.

Not exactly the best start to what is supposed to be a full-time job.

In spite of the extremely challenging conditions, I’ve gotten up to speed hyper quick, by everyone’s standards. I may not be very disciplined, but my ability to filter through the useless bullshit and the useful intel is still very much intact. I’ve never struggled to adapt quickly to any situation, but what I am most proud of this past week, are the lessons I’ve learnt in the past ringing clear in my mind.

I’ve been able to control my emotions, regulate frustration, hold my tongue when appropriate and actually put together plans. I’m starting to see how important to put aside time for critical tasks and to really add generous buffer to every task I do.

But when I notice how discipline I become when it comes to planning ahead and plotting the course of the week, suddenly life seems a lot more bearable. I feel like I am ahead of the curve, instead of behind and that just gives me a boost of confidence and morale to push harder.

Now if I can just control my roster and really manage my sleep and find some more time to squeeze in all my hobbies …. life would be very peachy.

Just remember Damocles … no matter how crazy life is, you need to instil some discipline in it.

Make Messina and life as a whole yours again.

Even if you have to wake up a bit earlier ….

~ Damocles.