The past couple of weeks have been taken over by a lot of chaotic issues. Primarily, the chaos around employment … my initial and slow decision to truly get back into job-hunting. It has taken me too long to come to this conclusion that I was not fulfilled by my current job at Messina.
It’s back to that old adage that I have stated so many times on this blog. My brain is rusting away in my job. I haven’t truly found a job that tax my mental capacities to its limit and now it’s back to job hunting.
But at the same time, I’m also looking at things in a new light. Yes, I have a lot of down time, yes, this job isn’t pushing me, but …. I have a lot of breathing room to do things whilst being paid. I can use my working hours to do things that I’ve always wanted to do.
My boss herself, literally told me …. “I know you are not being kept very busy, but live your best life whilst being paid.”
I took that line to heart. Because now, when things are finally stable, my routine is now more manageable and most importantly … I can truly establish and remove the thorn in the side of my desired work-life balance.
What this has resulted in is … a happier relationship with my partner.
More time to exercise.
Less stress in my daily life.
An actual moment in my life where I can wrestle control and truly focus on the things I want to.
It feels so amazing to actually commit to an exercise routine, to know that Mondays, Wednesday and a Weekender is dedicated to physical health. This has in turn alleviated my mental strain and boosted my confidence. I’m now able to actually write, destress with some time set aside for gaming, my hobbies, and actual start reading again.
I’m speaking from a position of privilege. I’m sure thousands of people would love to get paid to do nothing but their interests, so I’m not taking this for granted. This is just a temporary reprieve, a calm moment in time where I can actually focus on me and get paid doing so.
I can take more Fed Square shifts, dedicate hours to reading, tune in to youtube and learn more geopolitics, and destress from everything with a gaming session that helps me reset for the week.
It took me a while to get to this point, but the struggle was worth it. I know I put in a lot of time and effort to get this work-life balance in my favour, and so I’m going to actually sit back and reap the awards while I can.
Sometimes life isn’t all about work and I need to take advantage of this moment to really focus on other things that will make me happy.
This moment reminds me of my yesteryears, where I had so much energy to do all the things I wanted, because I had the time. I could hang out with my friends more, devote myself to a rigorous exercise routine and just develop myself more as a person.
Only this time, I got the love of a girl that I truly adore and she is pushing me just as hard as I am.
Life is good at the moment. There’s no denying that. I’m so much calmer, so much more relaxed and happier. I can do the things I want and get paid.
It truly doesn’t get better than this and for once, on Consul’s Records … I just want to say I’m happy with where I am at.
Yes, things could be better, but right now … I’m cruising and there ain’t nothing wrong with that.
Stars: Jason Statham, Josh Hutcherson, Emmy Raver-Lampman, & Jeremy Irons
Review by Damocles
The escalation of the plot in this movie … is hilarious and brilliantly evocative of cocaine-fuelled script-writing that ruled the 90s action movies schlock.
To describe the Beekeeper in one word is easy.
Fun.
To describe it in two words is even easier.
Fun & Dumb.
The Beekeeper as a movie, is one of the most aggressive, relentless and stupid films I have ever watched. It is a throwback to the 90s where films just had the most insane scripts and treated it as seriously as possible. Because the only way to actually get the audience onboard is to commit to the joke, take it as seriously as possible and dare to try and pull it off.
And I’m happy to say that the Beekeeper does that extremely well. It never once tries to wink, or act like it is in on the joke that is the script. Instead, it commits in a way that can only be described as the David Ayer style.
To describe the style of David Ayer is a complicated task. On one hand, it’s clear that Ayer has real, genuine knowledge of the streets, due to personal experience. This street knowledge can been seen in every single film Ayer has ever been involved in. He showcases gang violence, corruption, and ordinary people in ways that not many other film directors are able to.
But he always struggle to piece together the overall story. His films are like vignettes, implausibly put together by a tiny plot that struggles with pacing and emotional investment. You catch glimpses of a violent, tragic world, but it’s not quite compelling enough to keep you in your head till the end of the movie.
Bright, End of Watch, Street Kings, Sabotage, Suicide Squad …. these are all gritty crime dramas that never quite breathe beyond the murky, dark lens that Ayer loves to shoot in.
In Ayer’s eyes … the whole world is dark, grimy with truly garish splashes of colour. Think the dark backdrop of Suicide Squad contrasting with Harley Quinn’s bizarre outfit, or in this film, the use of gold colours mixed in with random splashes of purple or red.
If I had to point out the signatures in an Ayer film, it would be bizarre costuming with garish colours, gritty, grimy urban landscapes, and loose characterisations that barely drive protagonists or antagonists forward.
However, in the Beekeeper, all of this actually works. Statham’s character is as simplistic and one dimensional as it gets. He can kick ass, he is on the side of good and he’s out for revenge for an elderly black woman who literally gets about 5 minutes of screen time.
For you see, this movie isn’t really concerned about character development. In fact, it speeds through that, just enough to justify the next insane plot point and why the characters are behaving like they are.
To illustrate that point, the dog which features in John Wick had more screen time and impact than the motivation for Statham’s character, Adam Clay, to go on his killing spree.
It’s that kind of movie and I absolutely adored it.
To continue the John Wick comparison, the world of “Beekeepers” is nowhere near as intriguing as the assassin world of John Wick, but it does serve a different function and that is to keep the insane plot developing even further.
As you are probably aware, it is the Beekeeper’s plot that truly sells the movie. The implausible leaps that this film takes is so ludicrous that it becomes fun. The action too, keeps escalating, with a bizarre escalation of threats that keep getting more zany.
Fellow beekeepers, gangsters, FBI HRT, Tier One operators, Secret Service, crazy cowboy mercenaries …. never once does the movie stop to explain nor further charaterise these villains. They exist solely to up the stakes and be cannon fodder for Clay to beat down.
He is also ridiculously inconsistent with how he kills or incapacitate people. At first, it seems he is above using guns, but by the end of the movie, he’s has no issue with using them.
The rules in this movie are just tossed aside for whatever purpose the plot needs. Much like the side characters, who barely rate any mention. Even the villain, played by Josh Hutcherson, is too boring, bland and obviously a take on Gen Z tropes warrant any interest.
Even when it comes to the rules of film-making, there are several strange goofs that puzzle me. Such as a scene where the background of two characters talking is extremely distracting due to the actions of the extras in the back. Or the colour grading of the film, which veers from ugly dark colours to excessively bright locations with a very obvious yellow tint.
Nothing really stood out visually either. The framing of every shot was relatively bland, the action was serviceable but in a fun, iconic Statham way and the music definitely did not impress either.
While it may seems like I am saying that this film is very vanilla, it is not to the detriment of the film. It’s one of those perfectly serviceable action films with no illusions about what it is. And for that lack of pretension, I actually admire the fact that it knows it fits squarely in the B-action movie category and is unashamed of itself.
Much like those trashy, fun, silly action movies in the 80s, where a man goes on a killing spree, just because he happens to be the right man, in the wrong place and time, the Beekeeper is slotting itself right in that genre with aplomb. Things just keep escalating, and the stakes keep getting higher, and whilst it makes no sense as to how one solitary black woman who took her life due an online scam, led to the conclusion of the movie …. it sure was fun along the way.
Watch this movie with your friends and a couple of drinks, and it promises to be a good time.
A scene to recall: When Adam Clay decided that subtlety was out of the question, walked right up to a squad of FBI HRT operators and just incapacitated them singe-handed, whilst regular FBI agents nearby took no notice of this insane rumble literally metres away until one of these poor cops was slammed on a car.
Honestly …. how did they not notice multiple gunshots, yelling, screaming, punching and kicking …. but as I’ve clearly stated in the review above … these kind of questions are not the ones you should be asking in a movie as dumb as this.
Lately, my motivation for fitness has become solely revolved around combat readiness.
Perhaps it’s the constant geopolitical and “gun-tuber” content that constantly updates itself on my social media feed, but there is a niggling concern in the back of my mind about the state of the world.
As a child of refugees, there is always this small anxiety that lives in the lizard part of my brain. It’s the fear of losing everything due to human conflict.
It happened once to my parents. Why can’t it happen to me too?
In what seems like back to back years, I’ve seen the eruption of warfare in two different regions of the world.
Ukraine & Gaza.
These two conflict zones are indicative of a strong change in the winds of warfare.
Drones rule the battlefield now. Whoever has the ability to command cheap disposable drones and use them to maximum combat effectiveness, now control the area of operations.
From using them in kamikaze attacks, conducting small, immediate searches of dangerous areas, to precise, minute by minute reconnaissance, drones have made the modern battlefield an uglier fight than it already is.
In what seems like a bizarre twist of irony, despite the advances of technology, weapons that were common in World War 1, are now being fielded again to use against drones. Fixed machine guns, rapid shotguns are now being used to take down drones, instead of their ancient counterparts (balloons and biplanes). Those same weapons are also being fielded in the trenches of Ukraine, or the tunnel systems of Gaza.
Warfare it seems has regressed and advanced at the same time. It’s bizarre, fascinating and horrifying to see history repeat itself.
All this knowledge about the state of contemporary warfare has left an undeniable mark on my psyche.
My paranoia about the world has been subtly increased due to all the information I am processing about wars and geopolitical clashes across the world.
This paranoid mindset has created a very dark motivation for me to get fitter and stronger.
For as the man in the photo above is often fond of quoting …. if you don’t get fit, you die.
Being functionally strong isn’t enough though. I need to be able to run long distances, possess good reflexes, sharpen my hand-eye coordination and be able operate my mind in high-stress situations, whilst trusting or overriding my body’s natural reactions.
It is about being as well-rounded a person I can become. Improving everything overall, not just focusing on one element.
That is why I do circuit training. I like to hit everything at once, and really push my limits. I never know when I need to push something, run somewhere, drag an object, climb an obstacle or exceed my mental limits. But the point here, is that I am ready to activate the proper muscles when I need to.
And I push myself even further, because my body weight isn’t enough. Yes, I’m already a heavy individual, but adding on the extra 6kg plate carrier that stimulates the normal weight of plates, is just a small taste of the things I need to do when shit hits the fan (SHTF).
After all, if society does truly collapse, there is no point in me being able to just push myself with nothing on me. No, I need to prepare my body in getting used to extra weight, whether it’d be body armour, the hand of my partner and child, or hauling extra supplies across vast distances.
These are important factors that really stick with me, every time I go out to train now. I’m motivated by a paranoid desire to protect those around me, by being strong enough to take care of myself and them.
To invest in my fitness, is to invest in my survival and future.
Even though, I live in a country that has is far away from anything, a city that is beautifully pristine and a house in a safe neighbourhood, I’m always aware that everything can be stolen from me, because of a bully, a dictator, a psychopath or a truly desperate individual.
And it is those desperate people, that I fear the most, because they are the ones who will do absolutely anything to survive, even if it means walking over my corpse.
Where once I was focused on getting lean and fit for a race-car, the motivation now is about being physically strong with a strong emphasis on stamina.
If there is anything I’ve learned about the men who serve in special forces, is that they all possess a freakish level of endurance and pain tolerance.
They come in all shapes and sizes, tall, short, muscular, skinny, lean or having a bit of survival weight on the belly.
But one thing is true amongst them all … they have an unholy amount of willpower to tough it out in the most extreme conditions. That incredible willpower is boosted by an individual’s operator high level of fitness.
In other words, the fitter, tougher and stronger you are, the more willpower you can put aside for when things get really shit.
It’s a performance booster.
Where once, when you were not the fittest, you could only push to a certain limit, now, at the height of your physical prowess, you can exceed and outpace that previous limitation.
This is why most of my exercise lately have been revolving around circuits. I don’t just do the exercise in isolation anymore. Instead I combine them, so I never quite get a rest.
Jump Rope for 2 minutes
x20 Bench Dips
x20 Incline Push Ups
Dead Hang for 1 minute
x5 Chest Dips
x20 Incline Sit Ups
x20 Squats (Bodyweight)
Run 500 metres.
Rinse and repeat for a total of x5 circuits.
Cardio, strength, core and stamina. They are all targeted ferociously in my workout, and I do my utmost to keep all these exercise within a 10 minute window.
The part I hate the most, is the run. It’s uphill, and never fails to rob me of my breath after all the exercises I’ve done before.
But running is the most crucial skill I need to learn. Running will help me run away from drones, artillery, and anything else I need to face in a modern war. Running will keep me alive to fight another day. Running will let me see my family again.
This is why I always throw it in and the distance will continue to grow in the coming months. Soon, it won’t be 500 metres up a hill once, it will be 1 kilometre up a hill twice.
Because there is no point in staying stagnant. If I want to be fighting fit for a war, I need to destroy my personal limits and reach deep for something truly inhuman inside of me.
That is the only way I can protect my partner, my family and my friends.
This motivation to get fit has never felt so sustaining. It’s such a deeply personal reason, that it marries both the caveman brain inside of me and the rational mind that is living in the 21st century.
And nothing will frighten me more to get fit, than the thought of losing everything I hold dear.
To make the record clear, I’m not doing all of this training to fight a war in another foreign land.
I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m too old to enlist, and the fact that I’ve never felt comfortable fighting people who have never done me wrong personally, on behalf of a government who never really had my best interest at heart.
I will never pick up a gun to get into a fight that isn’t on my home soil. If someone comes here, to my home, then I will fight with everything I have.
But to fight overseas and potentially die there, isn’t and will never be on the cards for me.
I’ve got my own home to protect, as do the supposed foreign enemies of the “state.”
No, I’m getting fit, getting strong, getting tough for my own selfish reasons.
I’m here to protect what I have, and that’s all that matters to me.
Life can be simple when we want it to be, and I’ve decided to cast aside all the useless factors that used to cloud my thinking.
The mantra is simple:
Get fit, to protect yourself and those who you holds dear.
That’s the mission. That’s the motivation.
That’s the endgame.
So let’s get strong for those around us. They’re depending on you to do your part.
The damn eyelid has been twitching like crazy this week.
Messina has become this inferno and I feel like I’ve become a fireman, desperately trying to beat back the flames. It’s unrelenting just how often things go wrong and I always feel like I’m being reactive instead of proactive.
In other words, the flames are licking at my feet and the damn hose I’m using it’s pumping out water fast enough.
It doesn’t help that for the first time in my life, I’ve truly felt my insecurities blossom up. They’re bubbling up so frequently that I’m wondering what the hell is going on. My confidence has waned and I’m not quite sure what is going on with me mentally. The past few weeks of struggle regarding my health hasn’t helped the quiet anxiety that has been etching away at the granite that was my confidence.
As I was talking to my partner about the struggles of work, it was then I realised the gravity of my situation.
An epiphany hit me like a truck.
It’s not like I wasn’t happy working full time, or in a hospitality field that included events … it was the fact that I knew, deep down, I had fallen into another rut.
For some reason, I seem cursed to constantly land jobs that cause me to rust away inside. They are dead-end jobs, jobs that don’t have clear ladders, futures or something over the horizon. They are jobs that expect me to be happy, knowing that my brain is not being stretched to its full capacity.
They are positions that will become routine and deathly boring. I can’t climb, I can’t exercise and I can’t think.
Just like the retail stint before. Or the menial hospitality jobs. Or the mind-numbing air-con factory work.
I
Hate
This
Feeling.
It’s what causes me to break mentally. I can sense it.
Whenever I come to this realisation about my job, an stark, clear image always burns itself onto my mind.
The picture of a medieval sword, rust all along its once shiny blade. The knight goes to draw, but the weapon becomes stuck in the scabbard and he is struck down, because the blade was ill-maintained.
And the picture terrifies me. I hate seeing it, because I can see my reflection along the blade. I have no desire to become a rusty sword, and suddenly I feel myself bucking around internally like a wild horse, eager to escape it’s stable.
There have been too many big revelations in the past few weeks. Things have gotten way too heavy and it’s time to shed some weight. I’ve come to term about my current health and am currently working hard to fix the diet and make more time to exercise. It doesn’t matter if I do my super-set/circuit twice a week. What matters is that I move, I do it often and I try to burn as much as possible.
It’s time to pick another day where I will always exercise. Currently, Mondays are the days I do my circuit training, but it’s time to add another day of the week and commit to it hard.
The other realisation that I’ve hit in this blog just now, is about the nature of my job. Yes, it’s shit. Yes, it’s unpredictable, chaotic, stress-inducing and all consuming.
But … that is the hand I’ve been dealt with. There is no point in bitching about it now.
Mentally, I’ve complained enough. It’s counter-intuitive, it’s counter-productive and it’s counter-revolutionary. I was bought in to shake up, redesign and establish myself in this job and I’ve failed to do so.
All because I kept getting hung up over the smallest of issues. That my life was being dictated by work and its event schedule.
It’s time for me to acknowledge that fact and learn to work around it. It doesn’t matter if its the morning, the afternoon, the evening or zero dark thirty … I’ve got to make the most of my day and that means getting away from the computer, more onto books, more into exercise and more into friends.
Sure it sucks, but if I want to be any semblance of the man I can be, I’ve got to embrace this suck. Things will start to look up, the moment I focus more on the things I can control and be OK with the things I can’t.
I’ve also got to discover if I truly have a future in Messina, whether they will actually let me grow or whether this is it.
If this is all there is to my life for the foreseeable future … I’m out. I refuse to settle for this, when I know deep down, my potential is yet to be fully unlocked.
But if there is something ahead for me in this company, then I shall ride out this wave and find myself on a beach that will promise me something greater than what I am doing now.
Until that happens though … I’ve got to put my head down, focus and stop making little mistakes that chip away at my credibility and my ego.
Rebuilding starts now and the moment I feel the urge to exercise, it’s time to pick up the plate carrier and go to work.
The sword of Damocles needs some restoration and that will only come with proper work and care.
Embrace the suck and remember …. ex nihilo nihil fit.
Recently, stress is ruling my headspace and it’s highly concerning.
If I had to list all the issues causing me stress at the moment it would be in this order
Finances
Finances
Finances
Physical Health
Work
Diet
Sleep
Out of all of them, you can see which one is causing me the most anxiety. Money, the root of all evil they claim. The paper that has plagued humanity since the 7th Century China. The reason why my physical health has taken a hit. The reason why I’ve seen the doctor twice now, booked myself in for a neurologist session, seen an optometrist and searched WebMD far too much.
Recently, I’ve begun to self diagnose myself with a lot of things. I can feel something creep into my mind like a virus. A brain-worm called fear. Fear of losing my partner due to my lack of finances. Fear of opening the bank app to see the debt that has accumulated and has consumed my life choices. Fear of being unable to make enough money to achieve my dreams. Fear of missing out on important occasions. Fear of being unable to buy the things I want. Fear of being unable to afford to eat properly.
Fear of the Australian Taxation Office.
As I’m sitting here, writing this, listening to the Batman soundtrack, Can’t Fight City Halloween, I’m reminded that even the Joker is afraid of the IRS. The ATO has reminded me that taxation is quite obviously one of the biggest contributors to my anxiety ever devised. The sum I owe is astronomical. It’s due within two months and has forced me to completely revamp the way I live my life.
I’m now splitting my weekly paycheck in half to ensure I try and get close to the total before the deadline and I thought I could get away with committing to a payment plan, but the ATO’s interest rate is absolutely criminal. So instead of committing to that flawed plan, I’m scrambling every dollar I have to clear this debt.
How my money has spiralled so far out of control is honestly, the final wake-up call for me to get my shit together. The new job has actually given me a massive 500 dollar pay cut and has created a mind worm that won’t shut up.
The call of work is persistently nagging away at my mind now. Where once, the beauty of work at Fed Square and Melbourne Showgrounds ended the moment I left the venue, now I am constantly bombarded with calls, texts and new updates that stresses me out. They don’t arrive during normal hours either. Sometimes they hit at 7am, 4pm, or once at 11pm. It’s all horrifically stress inducing.
Throw in constant new last minute changes, additions and cancellations and the unpredictability is disturbing.
Sometimes an event for Messina will appear with only 4 days to spare and it’s just shit dealing with it. I hate it when things randomly add an extra stress element that is unnecessary. I’ve become accustomed to preparing things well in advance so that the execution of the plan is smooth and flawless. When my manager gives me random additional stress, it places a huge strain on myself, my colleagues and throws a bad look on my professionalism.
I don’t look proactive, instead I’m reactive.
The exact opposite of what I thought this job was going to be. I thought, being full time at Messina, would herald a new chapter in my life.
Instead, it has stripped me of an additional 500 dollars, given me health issues, destroyed my physical fitness further, created more uncertainty, caused more friction in my relationship and cost me valuable time.
My roster is only ever known a week in advance.
This
Fucking.
Sucks.
I can’t plan my life in advance, nor can I actually put aside time to breathe and get some much needed mental breaks. Instead I’m constantly on edge, not sure what days I can see my girlfriend, what days I can put aside for exercise and what days I can hang out with friends.
Instead, now I’m cancelling more often, I’m arriving late to scheduled meetings and I lack a lot of willpower to get up in the morning or go to bed.
This week has pushed me to an important realisation.
I have to manage my time wisely and enforce rules. I can’t be slacking off on working out or being healthy.
Because I’m not the immortal twenty-something that I was of yester-years. Instead it takes me longer to lose weight and if I continue down the bad path of not sleeping well, not eating right, not maintaining a rigorous exercise regime, it will only get tougher for me in the later years.
I have to look after myself more. Sleep earlier. Eat simpler meals, because my body can’t process things as easily. Exercise more regularly and come to grips with the fact that … I’m older now.
It doesn’t mean I can’t be in good shape or anything stupidly defeatist but it does mean … I have to come to grips with the reality of being old.
After all, it was only two thousands years ago, that the average human life expectancy was approximately around my age.
Mortality is really the big theme I’m going for here. A reflection on my health and how my systems are not quite as durable as they once were. Stress hits me harder now. Exercising hurts more. Fat builds up quicker.
I need to course correct now.
Simple as that.
And that is why the little embarrassing BMI tracker is at the top …. it’s a brutal reminder to course correct.
Because if I can’t look after myself … I can’t look after others.
Too much food, too much dancing and too much cake. It has completely destroyed my weight loss over the past week, and I can feel myself getting hungrier instead of actually learning to lean down my diet.
This is obviously not good. But like any setbacks, it’s how you deal with it that matters the most and fortunately, even though my body has gained weight again, my motivation to lose it hasn’t lost any of its edge.
I still plan on exercising just as hard and really weaning down the amount of food I eat. This is just a minor setback and I know I will lose it again soon.
But to really discuss what happened last week, it was fun. The wedding, held by one of my long time friends, was a beautiful moment, even though I felt sad that I couldn’t attend the entire thing, because I had work earlier that day.
However, the reception itself was amazing. It was clearly an expensive venue with plenty of space for dancing, custom floors, a beautiful white theme that was accentuated by huge centrepieces and candles. My friend and her husband clearly spent a lot of time and thought into the decor and it was indeed a beautiful moment in time. The music was fun, the food was amazing even though it was definitely too much and overall I had a really good time, chatting with my friends and my partner.
Speaking of my partner, she looked amazing in her dress and style. It was such a new thing to see her in curls properly, by my side and literally looking like my better half. I thought we looked really good together and from what I could tell from the general looks coming our way, it seemed like I wasn’t too far off in thinking that.
Nothing makes me happier to be honest. I love her so much and it’s still a beautiful thing to see that our chemistry is so strong that people can sense it from afar.
I’m still really deeply in love with her and I don’t think that will ever change. If anything, the wedding we attended that night proved to me that I really want to create the same magic with her again in the future.
In other news, I also visited the doctor for a series of frequent headaches that I’ve been slammed with recently. It’s been a long battle for about 6 weeks, constantly trying to relax and calm myself down. Apparently the cause is due to too much tension in my head and I’ve been actively working to relax my muscles so that it calms down.
It’s been an annoying thorn in my side, but thankfully a few days ago, I finally got the headaches to calm down, without any medication needed. By relaxing my neck muscles and allowing the blood flow to course through without too much speed, it actually helps me avoid the headaches.
Which is a huge relief, because for the past month, these headaches have been a massive concern and I was petrified I was developing something more serious.
But so far, it’s looking OK and I plan on revisiting the doctors in about 2 weeks to make sure everything is still OK.
Whilst last week has been a hectic rollercoaster, it’s time to get back into a routine and really start working on my goals again.
The dieting mindset is starting to kick in and exercise is now following suit.
I know I am in a good place mentally when I feel like my day is incomplete without some form of exercise. Whether it is skipping, push-ups, kettlebells or just a run, I’m starting to zone in on my fitness. There is an inherent primal satisfaction when I look down at how much I’ve managed to push myself.
But the more crucial thing here is … habit building.
Just like I promised myself and my partner at the beginning of the year, 2024 is all about establishing positive routines, habits and rituals that will aid in my mental acumen and physical growth. Writing this Consul’s Record every week is a good habit to ensure I get to reflect on what has happened and what lessons I need to remember. It also allows me to write more, a habit I need to keep until I am no longer able to type and just remind myself how fun it is to actually engage in something creative.
Even if it is just writing down my thoughts.
Last week, work was very manageable. I got a new co-worker who will ensure my life is easier as the manager of events for Gelato Messina. He is from Europe, a well-travelled Muslim man and soon to be husband. So far, he and I get along just great and I’m very relieved to know that he has a solid head and that he and I have similar views to work … get it done, fast and efficiently and call it there. Don’t be lazy, don’t be slow, just do everything as quickly as possible, ensure everything gets done, stay until the bell, but if there is nothing to do … play truant.
Event work can be the biggest hack, if you are a screwed on operator and I’m very thankful my new colleague is one of those kind of workers.
My manager has also arrived back and it’s fun to see her actually get excited. I could sense her burn-out near the end of the year, but it seems a long holiday in Europe, with her friends and peers, has managed to revitalise her. All in all, work seems to look really positive, with new and old colleagues actually smiling at work, my wishlist of equipment being largely fulfilled and I’ve really done my best to integrate into the existing structure seamlessly.
Aside from work, my health is looking better. I’m not sure where I lost two kilograms, but my conscientious decision to cut back on the amount of food and a more structured weekly exercise regime is clearly paying off. I really like knowing that I can lose weight and that positive feedback is now fuelling my desire to lose even more. It’s like an addicting, exciting game and I’m really keen to see myself at my target of 74kgs within a few months.
Yes, it is boring eating the same food almost every time, but it is immensely assisting me with my finances and diet, and like I’ve always told myself … everything comes at a cost and if looking and feeling good is the end product of boring lunches and restrictive dinners, so be it. I’m in my 30s now … taking care of myself is critical for how I will face my 40s and beyond.
Speaking of health, I’ve had a strange revelation recently, from one of my partner’s friends. It served as a wake-up call and a reminder that I need to prioritise my friends and family more. The timing of it too, was so strange, as I had just finished listening to the Shawn Ryan Show’s podcast episode, featuring Christian Craighead, the 22nd SAS trooper of Obi-Wan Nairobi fame, in which he detailed a similar revelation about life, how people move through it and the importance of always ending every conversation on a positive tone.
It was a sobering reminder, and I instantly reverted to cold, morbid humour to cope. It’s always interesting seeing how I react to such news and I am always shocked at my automatic decision to resort to dark humour. Whether it’s my upbringing where I was typically exposed to stiff British upper-lip attitudes in my media (Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, Monty Python etc) or the fact that I was probably too immersed in trying to be a cynical detective out of a Raymond Chandler noir book/film, I noticed that this attitude to dark news, is ingrained in me now.
However, moving past that dark observation about myself, when I heard the news, I’m just reminded of how much stuff I want to achieve.
And that motivation is still going strong even now.
Last week was definitely a motivational one. A push to do better, to be stronger, tougher, fitter, smarter and more financially well off.
It’s been a good start to the year so far, and I want to keep that direction going.
One week into the new year andI’m sick with COVID.
Luckily it’s a very mild case and I’m barely showing any symptoms beyond a slight fever and a very sore throat. But even in that instance, the coughing fits have been mild and I’m not bed ridden like I was a few years ago, when I got it properly.
Perhaps the most annoying aspect is the fact that I’ve been cooped up in my room for the past 3 days and it’s definitely not a very enjoyable sick holiday off from work. With very little fresh air, room to exercise … I look forwards to the fleeting moments where I am allowed to shower and home cook.
Home cooking … that is something I’ve missed a lot. A subtle resolution this year is to expand on the dishes I feel comfortable making, and I really had the opportunity to do that this week.
I even snuck out to do some grocery shopping, and bought home some key essentials to really have fun in the kitchen.
There are so many things I know I would change or have on standby every single week when I finally move out. Things like chopped garlic, bigger chopping boards, bigger kitchen benches, certain oils in the pantry … they only come when you spend a lot of time in the kitchen and really find out what you dislike and like doing on the regular.
So many recipes I’ve made, whether they be Italian, Japanese or Chinese, need an almost mythical amount of garlic. In many ways, I would love a small vegetable patch in my future home, where I can grow these essentials out the back whenever I need them.
Not only is it fresh, it’s also more sustainable and economically more feasible and will instil a greater appreciation for the ingredients I use.
In a lot of ways, home cooking reminds me of an exciting learning environment. You get to experiment, understand basic rules, discover new flavours and feel pride when you make something extremely edible. It’s such a fun journey to embark on once you start and the sense of accomplishment when you finish at the end is always amazing and sometimes very bittersweet.
But beyond expanding my repertoire of recipes (I’ve made pesto for the first time, drunken noodles and experimented with new techniques for fried rice), this quarantine has given me a bit of time to write at home which is also very nice.
I do miss days like this, where I had all day to really fulfill all my lazy desires, but I don’t want them to come often. It feels like I haven’t worked hard enough to earn this random respite and I really want to get back into things properly, so that I have good habits and routines.
This is an abnormality and needs to be treated as such.
So, in spite of catching COVID, there have been no significant developments this week. A lot more work needs to be done in my new role and I’m looking forwards to establishing a proper rhythm soon, so that I can focus more on other things like my hobbies, my partner and my writing.
I want to draft a film noir script this year and once work has settled properly, I think I’ll have time to start it.
It’s a new year, so it’s time to turn up a new gear.
Let’s start by listing some classic New Year Resolutions for 2024.
Lose some weight. The happy weight is no longer an adorable feature. It is now a genuine problem. Aesthetically anyway.
Start integrating my partner more into my wider circle of friends
Maintain a disciplined financial plan
Start reconnecting with friends and actually plan out proper days
Continue to balance work and life
It all sounds pretty basic, but as I noticed a long time ago when studying Special Forces operators, the secret to success lies with discipline and mastery of the basics.
The key difference between a regular U.S. Army grunt and a U.S. Army Ranger, is distilled down to a single fact …. the Ranger has the basics of infantry warfare nailed down to a capital I.
2024 is the year where I start looking at the Dragon that rules the year and praying to her to really put some long-lasting, healthy habits and routines that will do me good in the future. The theme and key word of the year is discipline and whilst it may sound corny, there is a hell of lot personal motivation for me to stick to that.
Because I no longer have any excuses. I can no longer blame work, nor my circumstances. It’s time to get off my arse and actually put in some work.
Working out once a day for an hour is not a big ask. Nor is dieting. Controlling what I eat is 70% of the fight when it comes to addressing the first resolution. Stick to small meals, drink more water and just cut out the damn snacks. Three simple steps that are difficult to follow in the foodie heaven that is Melbourne but still that is the point of the game. Stick to the rules, ignore the temptations and get out of the traps I’ve laid myself into.
The next resolution is an evolution of my relationship. My partner and I have very different friend circles, with various personalities and stages of their lives. That is just the reality of having met each other in very different circumstances and with no prior contact at all.
But there is a reason why our bond is so strong, and it is because we have such similar personalities, outlooks and drives. So it makes sense that our friends would appreciate the other for the same qualities. Our goal is to have a “friendmas” at the end of the year and not have it be awkward. In addition to that, just being able to go on more dates where we have our friends, instead of just us, is a definite positive. It opens up more activities and better memories.
Finance. My Achilles heel. I’m a spender not a saver. But they say clarity is something you get when you can, not when it is convenient, and since I am so much older and with bigger dreams than my short-term fun, it is time to put money aside every single time I am getting paid. A goal that I have started very late last year in 2023, but 2024 will prove whether I truly have what it takes to be a disciplined human being.
Curbing the reckless expenditure, coming to terms with missing out on some truly special collectibles from Lego and not buying random clothes whenever I feel the urge to get something new are all key restraints that need to be addressed in 2024. It’s a mental game, just like so many other things, and part of being strong is to understand I do not need everything I see in the world.
I need to understand the value of items better and that value is weighed by emotion and monetary cost.
Another key problem I identified last year was my lack of engagement with my friends. Whilst I can bitch, whinge and moan about how hectic my life is, the simple matter of the fact is … I got lazy and started to neglect them. It’s time to change that and actually put some effort and time in going out, spending time with my friends and actually catching up with their lives. After all, I’m nothing without my friends and it’s crucial that I don’t lose them, because … I got lazy.
What a stupid excuse.
Time to step it up.
The final resolution is probably the longest and oldest problem in the world. Balance your partner, work, hobbies, self-care and friends.
To be honest, it’s about separating days in a week and really planning them ahead, on a molecular level. Split them apart into an hourly basis and start prioritising elements that can combine both or the more crucial element. Which means my calendar management needs to be on-fucking-point.
It’s time to put aside some time in the week to plan my week ahead and reach out to my friends, my partner and my work to see what I can do to balance everything.
Whilst I’ve made a lot of logical and sensible plans for all these resolutions, talk is cheap. Action means a lot more and this weekly reflection is a means for me to actually track my progress.
I’ll be adding a simple fitness check on the top of the post now, to really pressure me into disciplining myself.
It’s time to awaken the sleeping dragon and really instil some discipline into my life.
This is now the start of my D24 challenge. The Damocles 24 challenge.
Squandered potential … like most of Ridley’s films.
Before I get really stuck into this review, I’ll address my personal bias against Ridley Scott. Personally I do not like a lot of his filmography. Too many of them suffer from the same fatal flaws …. action scenes that are cut a million times and do not properly portray combat in a clear, visual manner, terribly paced plots that often drag scenes on for too long, stories that are rife with historical inaccuracies and perhaps most annoyingly of all, Ridley loves to insert very unnuanced political views into historical eras without really considering the context of the times.
I must also add that I am a huge fan of the Napoleonic era. It is my favourite period of human history and to say I have huge admiration for the man whose era it is named after, is an understatement. Every student of history has a megalomaniac that they admire and my choice is the Corsican who built an empire that has touched the lives of every single person in 18th century Europe ever since he proclaimed himself Emperor of France.
When I first watched the trailer, I could not think of a better casted man to portray the man. Joaquin Phoenix is completely believable as Napoleon. But my heart sank the moment the trailer started to cast the man in strong words: Emperor, Lover, Tyrant, Legend.
Out of all the words, associated with the myth and historical facts about the man, “lover” is not one I would have chosen. Tyrant is also a questionable choice, especially considering the political landscape of Europe at the time, where literal Russians and Austrians emperors ruled with absolute power and Napoleon was just one of many kings, emperors and princes fighting to consolidate control over Europe.
Then I saw the dreaded words that Ridley Scott would be directing the film and I basically wrote off the film.
Walking into the cinema, I expected something bad.
I got something worse.
Squandered opportunity.
To say that the British have always long hated and character assassinated the man who transformed Europe, is an understatement. Even during the Napoleonic era, they were propagating propaganda about the man, deriding his short stature (he was actually of average height for the time), his many affairs (Josephine was hardly the focus of Napoleon’s many romantic conquests) and his many eccentricities (not wrong there).
None of which I blame the British for. After all, they were mortal enemies locked in different spheres of war. Britain ruled the seas, but could never quite best Napoleon on land. The elephant and the whale locked in combat.
But my problem with the film, is that it was very clear that Ridley had a lot of British bias walking in. Both he and the writer of the film, chose to portray Napoleon in a very bizarre light.
They focus almost 80% of the runtime on Napoleon’s romance with Josephine.
When you have an era of history as epic as the Napoleonic era; the last real historical use of mass cavalry charges, the sole period of history where both guns and swords were used in equal measure, where men had to walk in orderly lines in the face of musket and cannon fire, and the romantic notion of officers leading men into battle were still prioritised … Ridley chose to focus all the film’s attention to a romance that is historically inaccurate and worse of all …. boring.
Audiences were promised gunpowder, muskets, cannons, horses, swords and old school European chivalric officers.
They got a love story between a chemistry-free Joaquin and Vanessa.
It is one of the most bizarre choices I have ever seen made about a historical figure as mythical as Napoleon. Beyond that, it is a very strange choice for a filmmaker. To focus so much on Josephine, who is not a very well known in history beyond her obsession with roses, and patronage of the arts, is an exceedingly weird choice for a film with such a short and tight run-time to cram in so many important events.
It is not like the two leads have a simmering allure to them either. If anything, the two actors are attempting their best to showcase a romance, but it is so flat and dull and it goes on for so long that when the action scenes do come, it is like a breath of fresh air to get away from such a sluggish story. Perhaps my biggest issue is the fact that Ridley construes the entire film, and key events around the romance.
There is literally not a scene that goes by, without Napoleon professing his love for Josephine, but as a narrative theme, it lacks panache that really dives into his psyche and why he wants to control so much of Europe and establish an empire. It is not like the film specifically attributes so much of Napoleon’s conquest and victories to the desires of Josephine. The reason why the romance fails, is because Josephine is not a Lady Macbeth, pushing and urging Napoleon to conquer more and more. Without that somewhat unique angle, the romance and the overall thematic arch of the film falls.
What would have been a better angle is the idea that Napoleon truly believes in his own self-worth and is unflinching, stubborn and set in his ways to the whims of the world around him. After all, this is a man who proclaims to walk in the footsteps of Alexander, Caesar and Charlemagne. To see him win countless battles against insurmountable odds, and witness his ego grow and grow, only to finally have it checked by a Russian winter, a disastrous Spanish campaign and the exile would have been an excellent theme for the film.
The film should have charted the course of a young Napoleon, whose early ambition, military genius and rise to emperorship grant him an unbearable confidence and ego. Then in the second half of the film, showcase his military blunders, how being the Emperor of a vast empire beset by enemies takes a toll on his mental state and how his eventual exile ruins his ego.
And perhaps as a neat way to truly showcase Napoleon’s drive and ambition, the third act should have showcased how Bonaparte builds himself up again whilst in exile, creating an unshakeable belief in his ability, that culminates in him returning to France. This would lead to him taking over the country without a single shot, be shocked by just how dire straits France is in, and realise his return was a mistake, a mistake that is nailed finally by his defeat at Waterloo.
Such a turbulent emotional and mental journey into Napoleon’s psyche would have been much more compelling viewing, and display how his generals were brilliant aides to his genius, as well as showcasing why France and her Grande Armee, was so eager to follow Napoleon into the jaws of death.
Instead of this in-depth look into Napoleon, Ridley instead gave audiences a film that skims over history, focuses on an unromantic love story, doesn’t establish the titular character well and shortcuts its way through battle scenes. Napoleon by Ridley main problem is prevalent in many of his later works recently …. the films feel lazy. Like Ridley stole some of the best ideas but was too lazy to put in any real work, much like a much-derided video game company known as Ubisoft.
No scene sums it up better, than condensing Napoleon’s entire Egyptian campaign to a scene where Napoleon supposedly shoots a cannon at the Pyramids. WHICH NEVER BLOODY HAPPENED.
Ridley entirely skips over the fact that Napoleon lost a huge portion of the French Navy in the disastrous Battle of the Nile, that the Egyptians revolted against Napoleon’s rule and that he was stranded in Egypt with no way to get home for months.
In fact, I read that in an interview with The Times, Ridley defended his depiction of the attack on the pyramids as being “a fast way of saying Napoleon took Egypt” which infuriates me, because he is rewriting history for many of the audience out there, and that is an extremely dangerous action to take in a world so full of misinformation.
Plot aside, Ridley’s vision of Napoleon is undeniably attractive. The visuals of the film are remarkably immersive. There is incredibly strong work by Dariusz Wolsiki. So many scenes invoke a more romantic time of grand warfare, with uniforms glistening bright and the tricolour of France flying high above the heads of her men.
From a visual standpoint alone, the film is beautifully shot, the CGI barely noticeable and the overall viewing experience is excellent. So many scenes immerse you in the past, giving the audience an evocative look into the past. But the actions scenes themselves are horribly cut. They fare OK, right up the two armies clash into each other. Then it becomes a brutal mess, without any nod to how Napoleon actually won the famous battles he was involved in.
In addition, the film is remarkably absent of any tension when it comes to the action, because it never sets up the stakes, the key generals involved and how the terrain is established. Napoleon and his many generals are never acknowledged for their tactical and military genius, how they bested 4 huge European armies that had to band together to defeat France’s Grande Armee.
Aside from the cinematography, I also liked the score somewhat. Whilst lacking originality, it did a good job in staying true to the times and punching above its weight when it came to certain “epic” moments. In particular, I loved Napoleon’s piano theme and thought it really captured the era and personality of the Emperor.
Overall, Ridley Scott’s vision of Napoleon, is visually appealing, but lacks any of the drive, ambition, charisma or romance that the titular character is known for. It is such a shame the film turned out the way it did, because the cast, uniform and period setting would have made for an epic film that would have restored a lot of interest in the era of history. In all honestly, I truly wished this film was handled by a different director and writer with more respect given to the legendary French emperor.
To sum it up in a sentence? Ridley, please stop taking the best ideas and giving us lazy executions of them.
A scene to recall: When Napoleon takes Toulon. It is both incredible and maddening, because it gives me hope the film can be epic, only to instantly let me down when the action scene is cut barbarically short.
Damocles' Journal 