32 Years Around the Sun

It’s not my birthday today, not by a long shot.

That happened a while ago. But just because my birthday was a few weeks ago, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t take a moment to stop and reflect.

I’ve made 32 orbits around the Sun now. What am I appreciating now that I didn’t earlier?

Time takes everybody out, it’s undefeated.

Looking back when I was a lot younger, I’ve come to realise how silly I was for chasing thrills.

I used to wish my entire life was an action movie. I purposedly did things to make that a reality. Breaking and entering abandoned factories and homes, trying to enlist in the military … I was always chasing that next high, whether it’s trying out skateboarding, mountain-biking or even just dramatising my blog to make my personal struggles seem grander.

The folly of youth. A deep underappreciation for time.

Of course, a lot of circumstances back then made me think that I was doing OK for myself. I had a job, but it wasn’t challenging me and draining my energy. I thought I didn’t need much money or had to save a lot, because my focus was all on chasing the next action thrill. I spent my paychecks trying to be different … more interesting than the person next to me.

Now, having settled down in a proper job, where I work 9-5pm, where time feels shorter because of all the things I need to do, I appreciate the small moments a lot more.

I like having a night in. I like learning new things instead of chasing new highs. I don’t feel that urge to go out just because I think life is passing me by.

My life is controlled by me. I own what I do, what I need to prioritise and how I manage my time. Just because an event passed me by, doesn’t mean I’m missing out.

I appreciate the moment when everything goes quiet. I can laser focus in on one small task and get it done.

It’s why I’m obsessed with baseball now. It’s a sport that never used to excite me, but over the year, I’ve become a baseball addict. I can’t stop obsessing over the sport. I’m itching to play.

Almost every single week, you’ll see footage of me online, smashing balls off a tee.

Of course, I’m inspired by Shohei Ohtani. He’s arguably the greatest player in Major League Baseball history. The two-way player who is easily in the top 4 for both pitching and hitting. Only a few weeks ago, I witnessed his absolutely ridiculous performance, where he struck out 10 batters and then proceeded to smash 3 home runs in one game.

This is supposed to be a team sport. Ohtani single-handedly destroyed a MLB team on his own.

There was no way I wasn’t going to be inspired by a genuine unicorn. I missed seeing Jordan’s dominance. I never got to truly appreciate Tiger’s artistry. I ignored Brady’s achievements. I hated Hamilton’s effortless winning streaks.

But Ohtani was the guy who took me by the shoulders and told me to watch a sport I had no interest in.

Now, I’m all in.

I’m even considering joining my local baseball team …. an odd choice, especially when you look back at my sporting interests which have all been solo sports. Tennis, skateboarding, fencing, go-karting … not once have I been interested in joining a team sport.

Yet, here I am, strongly thinking about trying out properly for my local team.

So much has changed about me, when I think about it.

Nowadays, I’m a lot more conscious about how I spend my time, my money and my energy. It’s no doubt, a side-effect of getting older. I can’t do the typical 3am finishes and get up, raring to go at 8am anymore. Now, I can sense I’m eager for good sleep, focused on getting healthier and spending more time with my partner.

There’s also the mental maturity that is starting to creep in. I feel a bit more confident in knowing who I am and taking on feedback. But it’s a razor’s edge when it comes to sensitivity. When I was younger, I was so much more brash, cocky and arrogant. I could bulldoze my way through with superior confidence.

But now, I’m very aware of the other side effect of getting old. You start to get more sensitive, more aware that you’re mortal and that means you start to become more stubborn and resistant to change. You don’t realise it of course, until someone tells you that you’re starting to get offended by everything.

I do constant checks now. I don’t believe in not progressing, not changing and giving up. I’m still hyper-alert to how my actions and words can affect people and myself. I’m still scanning myself and trying to be as self-aware of my flaws, my strengths and my actions.

Because the last thing I want to be, is some curmudgeon who gripes about how much the world is changing, when in reality, he didn’t put in the work to keep up with the changes.

It’s why I’m glad I am able to keep a firm grasp on who I am, what I believe in and the values I promote while acknowledging that yes, it may be a bit old-fashioned, but I’m still open to new ideas, new ideals and new ways of respecting others.

I hope that I can keep this up. This ability to be a bit old-school, but adaptable. Because I think some things never die. Some values remain true no matter the age, the generation or the school of thinking. Things like a good polo shirt with chinos, the crack of a baseball bat slapping leather out to 120metres,

And I’ll hold onto those, but I won’t ever judge others for challenging them.

I think at my age, I’m doing OK. I could be healthier, slimmer, happier and more social, but I’m content, which is a very nice feeling to own.

I like knowing that I have things to work on.

And I hope that this continues … because being productive, being pleased about the small improvements in my life … makes me content.

~ Damocles.