Discipline … the one thing I’ve always struggled with.
I always struggled to pinpoint why I’ve always lacked discipline. For all accounts, when I had it for a year, I was the fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been.
I had the time to exercise, to go out, to balance work and pleasure and even to diet … it was all highly regimental and focused. I made sure I exercised every day, to eat a light meal and really push my body.
This golden period only lasted for a year before I jumped feet first into the world of events.
Ever since then, I’ve been praying and hoping that I find some kind of rhythm to settle down into. But that has eluded me.
Which means that I honestly need to re-evaluate getting up in the morning now to fit in something. Whether it will be writing, exercising, practising shooting with my guns, cooking or reading …. I need to maximise my time awake.
If my schedule really is as hectic as it seems, where I don’t seem to have regular work hours or days even, then I got to make time.
But where do I find the motivation? That is always the hardest part. It’s so easy to claim that I just need to put an hour aside for exercise, but whether I’ll actually do it, is an entirely different matter.
The same goes for dieting. If I am to lose some of the belly I’ve gained over the past year, how do I do that? I’m always out, in another location, without access to microwaves or implements.
The answer is obvious …. cooking cold meals. Kimbaps, pesto pastas, soba noodles, club sandwiches, salads … the options are there, they just don’t appeal to me as I want them to.
But these are general issues that I should have resolved ages ago. How about the past week?
As usual, Messina has proven itself to be a difficult workplace to figure out. The higher ups have an idea what they want me to be, but practically speaking, I’m just another convenient tough casual for them to abuse.
Sink or swim motherfucker.
That was the general vibe I’ve been getting since I signed up for the job. Zero inductions, constant random loans, fluctuating work hours, short notice, no proper SOPs in place ….
I was given an apron, a tea-towel, a uniform and told to find my way up the metaphorical Messina equivalent of Brecon Beacons.
I’ve survived, but I’m not happy. Along the way, there have been fights, a whole lot of confusion and just a lot of damn inefficiency. It’s upended my personal life and drained my bank accounts.
Not exactly the best start to what is supposed to be a full-time job.
In spite of the extremely challenging conditions, I’ve gotten up to speed hyper quick, by everyone’s standards. I may not be very disciplined, but my ability to filter through the useless bullshit and the useful intel is still very much intact. I’ve never struggled to adapt quickly to any situation, but what I am most proud of this past week, are the lessons I’ve learnt in the past ringing clear in my mind.
I’ve been able to control my emotions, regulate frustration, hold my tongue when appropriate and actually put together plans. I’m starting to see how important to put aside time for critical tasks and to really add generous buffer to every task I do.
But when I notice how discipline I become when it comes to planning ahead and plotting the course of the week, suddenly life seems a lot more bearable. I feel like I am ahead of the curve, instead of behind and that just gives me a boost of confidence and morale to push harder.
Now if I can just control my roster and really manage my sleep and find some more time to squeeze in all my hobbies …. life would be very peachy.
Just remember Damocles … no matter how crazy life is, you need to instil some discipline in it.
Make Messina and life as a whole yours again.
Even if you have to wake up a bit earlier ….
~ Damocles.
Damocles' Journal 